oriental damsel in constant distress

ungodly hours

2005-10-20T01:43:00.000+08:00

outside the classroom

At *ungodly hours in the morning, *Prof Scandalous text messages me:

What did Nietzsche say about Kant's Categorical imperatives?

Thankfully, with *Philo Chic's help, I managed:

I think it would have to do with the Genealogy of Morals. Kant's CI assumes morality is great and wishes to impose it on others. Nietzsche would say that these so called good maxims are Christian ethics, used to help the weak feel better about themselves. Morality is an illusion and we must not affirm ourselves with what is conventionally good or bad.

Three hours before that, the Prof texted me this:

My wife tells me that brown men are the in-thing. What does she mean?

My reply:

Sorry, sir. I have no idea.

Hi, I read you!

2005-10-19T08:34:00.000+08:00

Hi, I read you!

Dear friends,

I have new plans that just might involve you. If you are a reader of the *Damsel Blog, kindly send an email to suphing@nus.edu.sg before Oct 27, 2005.

Just specify 'Hi, I read you!' at the subject column. You don't even have to write anything in the content section of the email. You could be a fellow blogging friend like *Sheer, *S, *Fongky, *Jules, *Dilettante and *Kenn; closest friends *Ling and *Lene; anonymous readers like *guyacrossthestreet or *activist; or stalkers/admirers/suitors... if the latter category exists. JUST SEND ME THAT EMAIL.

I promise I won't bite or scratch.

Neither is this a cheap ploy to find out if my closest friends are keeping up with the blog. I promise I've got something up my sleeve.

Sending worldwideweb Love,
the Oriental Damsel

when love and politics mix

2005-10-18T08:45:00.000+08:00

when love and politics mix
debating the Chinese vs the Japanese

*Gallant and I had a long conversation yesterday about his anti-Japanese sentiments, brought on by PM Koizumi's visit to the Yasukuni war shrine. I could not understand, how he, being by default Chinese can bear such hatred towards a war well over and towards people of a generation gone by despite not being in the war and is not suffering from the effects of the Japanese and WWII.

He would have undoubtedly be one of the people protesting in front of China's Japanese embassy if he were back home, and fought a war with the Japanese if he were called upon. Gentle, forgiving and respectful in all other aspects, I could not understand why *Gallant bore so much hate.

Being a political figure, I understand that Koizumi should be more sensitive with regards to the visit of the war shrine. Nonetheless, why penalize him for acting on his instincts and for him wanting to pay respects to his generals and soldiers? Koizumi explained in a press briefing that this visit serves as a reminder the war and brutality between Japan and China should never happen again. Why can't *Gallant get that the war between China and Japan will never happen again?

"The German chancellor kneeled down in front of the Jews to beg forgiveness. Japan's PM offered a half hearted apology," remarked *Gallant

"The comfort women were offered a compensation... if only they would sign an agreement that says they volunteered to be comfort women in the first place."

*Gallant then equated the generals of the Japan war with Hitler, saying that more people were killed in the war with Japan. He gave many more examples which only served to convince me of his hatred rather than an exact cause of a reason to hate the Japanese (or the PM/Government, which is *easier to dislike, I'll admit).

I wonder to which extent China's governmental propaganda is doing this to *Gallant. Personally, however undiplomatic Koizumi's visit may be, these feelings of Chinese nationalism gone out of hand are dangerous. It is the same for any country, let alone a big, nuclear giant.

Then again, I don't want to say that I am right (*Gallant was much more convincing than I last night) and I have to learn more about this first. It's far too many times he's called me an idealist (in fact, two emails in a row this morning from different people). Ultimately, I'm still unchanged and doubt I will be swayed. There's a universal truth challenged, for instance between 'good' and 'bad', and 'live' and 'kill'. In the case of our debate, it is a matter of 'love' (accepting and tolerating) and 'hate'.

.::.

Dear,

Honestly, I never wanted to tell you or to discuss all these with you. It'?s way too disgusting and unsuitable for you. I am glad that you are not troubled by hatred brought by history. It is not easy to carry that burden. But things happened and there is no way to just pretend as if it never happened. Someone's got to know and make sure the people in Japan know about it so that they in the future will not repeat the same mistake. Their government is not doing the job apparently. You wanted some websites on the Japanese War Crimes. I just googled some websites and pictures. Some of them can be quite bloody and uncomfortable. Please don'?t continue to read it if it really disturbs you, ok.

http://www.kimsoft.com/kr-japan.htm

http://www.comfort-women.org/v2/index.html

http://www.technologyartist.com/unit_731/

http://www.ww2pacific.com/unit731.html

I am sorry if I have made you uncomfortable while discussing this with you.

Love you!

.::.

I need to first say that I'm a lot tougher than I look. =I

Here are some of the pictures:

The mass, live graves

Execution, guillotine style

Unborn fetus

Human experiments (I guess this picture and the next he links to the Nazis)

Death Camp

lunch?

2005-10-17T12:09:00.000+08:00

lunch?

*Winky can never ask me to lunch without some drama. This just came in the sms:

If you want to have lunch give me a shout.
If you want to have lunch I'll be there no doubt.
If you want to have lunch I'll try not to be too much of a lout.
To refrain from being a pain, of that I'll be staunch.
So do let me have an inkling, if you want to have lunch...

One word: Absinthe

I'm busy with my essay today. Pity. =(

I'm a kitten

2005-10-15T23:12:00.000+08:00

Purr!

You Are A: Kitten!

Cute as can be, kittens are playful, mischevious, and ever-curious. Like you, kittens hate getting wet. Kittens are often loving, but are known to scratch or bite when annoyed. Whether it is your gentle purr or your disarming appearance, you make a wonderful kitten.

You were almost a: Chipmunk or a Squirrel
You are least like a: Duck or a Turtle What Cute Animal Are You?

no excuses

2005-10-15T11:52:00.000+08:00

no excuses

Things have obviously not been going well. First, there were problems trying to get assignments done. Deadlines were piling up without me knowing, and the exams seem like a mere few days away.

There were awful tell-tale signs as my skin was looking dull, always on a bad hair day and my eyes of a raccoon/panda like feature. I was breaking out with pimples as well and have dark scars that I fear looking into the mirror. At this point, even concealer couldn't do much to help. Coupled with bad mood swings and an aching body, I was deadly depressed.

I even tried retail therapy and spent some cash on skin products, facial and hair cut (almost joined a yoga club too) but to no avail. I needed sleep, desperately.

Thankfully, yesterday took on a delightful turn in events. First, the whole class was given a whole one week extension for the Rousseau Paper (thanks *Prof Gere... you're too sweet) and I *celebrated by going out for lunch with a few classmates. This finally gave me a chance to know them a little better (honest to goodness, I'm not very sociable in class) and they shared their tight schedules that seemed worse than mine! Yet, they were calm (and darn brainy... they're honours year students, kay) and asked me to chill (*heh).

Now, this might be silly for you to hear, but the key was to break down the papers and to not spend so much time on them. My classmates told me I was silly to spend so much time researching and writing. Even if I claim to be slower, etc, I shouldn't be spending so much time on them! Rather, try spacing out with maybe two papers at a go... and always to readings. =P

Gosh, this is good advice coming to me after three years in NUS. Erm, okay, maybe it didn't take this long for me to hear it but I coped just fine with my schedule (admittedly with yelling and hair pulling) last three years. I was stubborn and now, will try the alternative because it clearly sounds better.

So, more relaxed breakdown of assignments, extension deadline and a promise to start revisions earlier (exams are about five weeks away). Coupled with the fact that there are no more union activities, no more dance classes (although I still do have aerobics class on Monday), no more curricular activities and things are just peachy with the boyfriend:

I HAVE NO MORE EXCUSES

This semester, I have no reason to not do well. I won't promise to be a spectacular student, but I must aim to do better because all the silly excuses are now gone. Of course, I still need to work very hard. Very hard indeed.

Yet, there must be time to sleep. I need it (and my awful skin needs it) for at least 6 hours of sleep a day (I've been getting by on less than 4 hours), exercise at least on every alternate days (I've not seen the gym or the park or the yoga mat for quite a while) and a little bit of R&R, whatever I define that to be.

*Grin. That's a promise.

dinner party

2005-10-13T09:56:00.000+08:00

the last dinner party

Well, at least for this semester. I have some chicken in the fridge, as well as mum's organic cauliflower (from Malaysia) in the fridge, and a very large bag of Japanese rice that begs to be cooked. With all the assignments soon due and the fact that I've just finished the worst paper in my entire NUS academic life (re: the Study of War, 5000 words on the Philosophy of Revolutionary and Guerrilla Warfare), I don't feel like working too hard on academic matters today.

Dinner party tonight will be for a table of four: myself, *Gallant, *Nana and *Lala Femme. The latter two I'd like to thank for their so-kind-help during *Gallant's BBQ dinner.

~ * ~
Dinner Menu

French Beans tossed in Herb, Olive Oil and Balsamic Vinegar

Fragrant Japanese Rice
Japanese Curry with hearty Potatoes, Carrots, Onions and Button Mushrooms
Oven Grilled Terriyaki Chicken
Egg and Tofu omelet with Chopped coriander, chili and Tomatoes
Stir Fry Organic Cauliflower with Bell Peppers and Sugar Snow Peas

Orange and Watermelon Salad with Lemon Reduction Sauce
Barley with Screwpine Leaves

~ * ~

I just love the pleasures of cooking, and watching close and loved ones enjoy food that they know you've clearly put effort into. Presentation is vital as well, making a clear difference that you're having dinner with me not at a canteen. =P

I wish I had more luxury with time, and I can have more dinner parties with more of you. Yesterday morning, I assembled breakfast for myself and wanted just a moment away from the essay.

~*~

Breakfast Menu

Egg and Chicken Salad Sandwiches
Corn Tortilla Chips

Fresh Sliced Watermelon and Oranges

Coffee with Low Fat Milk

~*~

The full assembly of breakfast, set right in front of me was worth the time and had a lasting sense of satisfaction. I wish I took pictures and posted pictures of yesterday's breakfast.

Maybe I'll start waking up half an hour earlier just to make breakfast. Then again, if I am waking up earlier, shouldn't I rather be doing yoga than making breakfast? *sigh.

.::.

I just can't help it. I was laughing hard despite the essay being due already when I was finishing up my bibliography.

For Chicago Style bibliography, you switch the person's name around (eg, Damsel Oriental). Yesterday, I met Gross Hymen and Meek Curtis.

of (academic) things to come

2005-10-11T08:45:00.000+08:00

of (academic) things to come

Wednesday, October 12

Study of War essay paper due, 5000 words

I examine the notion of politics-in-command in Revolutionary warfare. The essay will have (it's due tomorrow, you'd think I'd be done?) no contemporary/historical/actual reference to revolutionary wars itself. Why? Because I just don't geddit. War, to me is apparently political French. The essay will just be all philosophical theorizing of war. Clausewitz, Machiavelli, Tilly, Marx, etc. Just as *Gallant noted: how are you going to fill a 5000 word essay on revolution and war just based on philosophy??!! The Study of War class is one in the field of International Relations, not Political Philosophy so you can imagine that it is really a gamble for me to produce an essay of a different field. However, I've no choice.

Friday, October 28

i. Government and Politics of Singapore paper due, 2000 words

The Malaysian goes: Like, what's this constituency thing? And your RCs, and JRCs and your jumble of tonnes of acronyms. Why the *fish is this political system so conceited that it assumes others to easily recognize the system merely based on its acronyms??!!

Oh boy... a paper on the topic of civil society in Singapore. Like you have one-lah.

[Apologies my Singaporean friends. This is not intended to bruise your gentle egos. I love the people, despise the system. In fact, just the other day I was thinking to myself: Frankly, I don't mind having a Singaporean PR someday and actually living here. If only, and only if, Singapore becomes a democracy.]

ii. Contemporary Political Philosophy, 2000-5000 words

I will critique Fritz Lang's Metropolis and associate Nietzsche's master and slave morality to the show as well as other of Nietzsche's political thoughts. Metropolis is a show rich with context and I frankly do look forward to this. If only the movie wasn't black and white, silent and so darn draggy.

iii. Book review: Hans Morgenthau's Politics Amongst Nations, 1000-2000 words

My problems include:
i. The book has over 650 pages
ii. The book is on International Relations

iv. Rousseau, 5000 words

Critique of his social contract. I will focus on his noble savage and human nature, pre and post social contract. Really, really look forward to this one. If only I didn't have to do the rest.

Mid November, roughly 20 days after the last due date

Exams.

selective cheapskateism

2005-10-10T12:52:00.000+08:00

selective cheapskateism

I just finished the last of *Gallant's gift of Truffes au Marc de Champagne from chocolatier Lindt. Frankly, being a non-chocolate fan (yes, girls, believe it) it was (too) sweet and delectable, but definitely something I'd never crave for or will buy for myself.

What makes it harder to swallow was the fact that the lovely, pretty box (think this was the only part I like) held only 16 teeny tiny 2cm x 2cm round pieces and costs $32 SGD. That makes each little morsel cost $2 each and I'm thinking that's ridiculous to pay for chocolates and that price could even get you lunch at any NUS canteen for each chocolate or two.

And being initially ignorant of the price (and admittedly a little eager to get people to finish off the calories and sugar sweetness of the chocolate for me), I was generously offering them to people who dropped by for visits until he revealed the price.

Somehow, I'd never spend on food. Recess periods in primary school will see me brown bagging lunches, and I'd meticulously save the very economical fifty cents weekly allowance and suddenly blow savings on a pretty purse or magazine. Secondary school was quite the same. Allowance was more and I did eat at canteens, but never the candy bar, snacks or any after meals. Even at restaurants, I'd usually head straight for desserts and declare myself to be on a diet (avoiding main courses). But wonders never cease as I would unblinkingly buy the $70 skirt or dress, or $10 pair of earrings with my $14 weekly allowance.

I suppose my parents tried to instill frugal values within their young, impressionable daughter with a modest sum of a weekly allowance. Save, I did. Unfortunately, they underestimated my vain side.

I am still very cautious with the amount I spend on food (dieting principles still live on... food = fat so why waste money on making myself fat???!!!). After all, it is a temporary chew or two and in it goes (later out it comes). A dress of timeless elegance stays with you, in a good way.

However, I am relaxing my diet mantras and I have long since begun to see the joys of food and tastes. Nonetheless, $2-a-chomp chocolates seems like an excessive waste of resources.

Give me my expensive facial and body products (Dermalogica in Singapore, ouch!), fragrant waters, clothes of fabrics that flatter and style, shimmery makeup, manicures, pedicures, hair saloons and treatments and shoes!

I'd have ramen for lunch, anytime.

a birthday party and a dinner

2005-10-06T03:23:00.000+08:00

a birthday party and a dinner

Oct 4, 8.15pm: I threw *Gallant a surprise BBQ Birthday party with his friends and mine. The dear was pleasantly surprised and genuinely appreciative of the party. *Nana and *Lala Femme was great help through out the preparation stages. I could have not been able to pull through without so much help from the girls. Also, *Fongky and *Jules came to help, as well as a few others.

It was tiring, but I knew the party was somehow exactly what he wanted. It was nice to that he finally got to meet some of my friends like *Jules and *Em.

Problem though was that I had so much food. I'm a horrible gage with the amount and I had the mantra that my guests must always be well fed. This time though, I really went too far. People say that I had enough to feed a party three times the size.

We had chicken in three different marinades (*Lala femme and I deboned over 25 pieces of huge chicken thighs late at night), sausages, marshmallows, angel hair pasta, yam chicken rice, potato salad, tuna and egg sandwiches, ice cream cake, boiled green beans, dory fish, corn and little bits of other things.

The night was exhausting, and tiring still is the thought that I have so much more work to do. Nonetheless, it's just amazing knowing *Gallant had fun on his birthday and was truly happy.

Oct 5, 1.05pm: Gave a presentation on Illiberal style democracy ala Singapore, contrasting it to the case of the liberal democracy. People actually stood up and told me that the presentation was great! Even managed to shut up the extremely vocal pro-PAP supporter (during the first tutorial, he wore a shirt that said 'I flock with the sheep') of the class and had people nodding and agreeing. Yes, my children... come to the side of democracy... you are ready, my child (*cackling witch noises)

Oct 5, 8.00pm: NUSSU Appreciation Dinner

(pix credit)

With *Bunneh and a copy of twentyfive.

twentyfive was finally launched and on sale. We sold ten measly books today and I can only hope that more gets sold.

*La la Femme and me

*Johnny Bravo and *Lala Femme

Actual conversation that transpired:

"Oh man, I look good," said *Johnny Bravo

"Wow, this is a pretty shot of me," said *Lala Femme

These two belong together. Who else would understand the sheer force of such vanity and ego? =) Of course, I mean that in the fondest way.

*2001, *Nana and *Lala Femme

My *Gallant and his *Damsel

This is our first picture together after 5 months!

He's so tired lately from all the work at lab and having just finished a series of three mid terms that he crammed last minute.

Also, we'll be meeting my parents this weekend. Somehow, the thought is frightening and yet I can't wait to make the proper introductions.

posts within a post

2005-10-03T05:40:00.000+08:00

Posts within a Post

Oct 3, 4.00pm - Oct 4, 2.00am: Biggest proclamation of affections yet for dear boyfriend.

Oct 3, 3.00pm: twentyfive is here, twentyfive is here!

Oct 3, 10.40am: Said hurting tooth came out. Great news: I have another wisdom tooth that needs to get out and it requires surgery! I was so happy, I *bumped my head on the upper part of that dentist's chair.

Oct 3, 5.41am: In four hours, pain shall be inflicted upon me as my wisdom tooth (left, upper right) will be removed. Currently, it is growing but with a sharp end (how vampish-like) and there no corresponding tooth below so it is gnawing into my gum and my sides. I've been in agony but too chicken to see the dentist. Now the pain I can bear no more.

lowest low and highest high

2005-09-30T02:10:00.000+08:00

lowest low and highest high

I'm at the lowest stage of the year, being deadly depressed over my studies and the lack of time right now. Too many things on my plate and on the head. Too many things attempted and completed, yet so much more to go.

I need the strength to finish the year, and do it with the flourish of successful grandeur that I (idealistically) require all things of mine to be. Yet, I am now with the realization that I could only spend enough time to just finish. *Death may catch me yet with assignments.

Yet my saving grace comes from a friend and my love. One provides me with realistic support and motivation, and the other with soothing comfort and lull to rest when I desperately need to but am too guilt ridden with the amount of work left. These stop me from crying and sinking into the dark emotional abyss that my situation takes me.

I apologize for not being the woman, girl, friend, girlfriend, student, leader, cousin, daughter and free-spirit that I've made you think of me to be. Maybe next semester you'll allow for my redemption.

Despite the lowest of lowliness, I am at the highest of highs. At the crux of depression, I have finally discovered or allowed myself to realize *Gallant's genuine affection. I now love him so much more. How silly I was to have over-analyzed our relationship.

I hope the dire situation of my busied self is but another over-analysis. Sadly, I know that it isn't so.

for *Gallant

2005-09-23T00:48:00.000+09:00

for *Gallant

who turns twenty and three on Oct 5.

I can't decide!

The silver or the polished brass? *Sigh.

It will be personalised with his initial, of course.

I'm getting them from an online shop in US so I hope it gets here in time. I went searching so many shops here for one who makes personalised cuff links but I found none. =(

I'd love to see him wear these.

quickies

2005-09-18T12:33:00.000+09:00

Quickies

A NUSSU Exco member does not step down during the new committee's elections. Only during the AGM (two weeks later). I started celebrating way too soon.

A lecturer who keeps you in his office talking to you not about your paper twice, pouts when you have to leave, makes sensual innuendos, praises you for talent and looks (that you apparently don't have), gives you an A+ 'Excellent' grade (that you probably don't deserve) and sends personal text messages is being far too friendly.

A boyfriend who offers to clean your fan for you despite never ever having cleaned his definitely loves you.

Then again, when your boyfriend starts poking you *affectionately at the softer spots and does not protest when you whine about being fat means it is time to lose weight. And then he suggested that it was time for another facial visit...

A friend who makes long distance calls and maintains enormous effort to update you about the latest news in our circle of friends (including scandals) is the best friend you'll ever have.

Not eating for more than twelve waking hours earns you gastric problems, deservingly.

A lead singer of a local band who sits beside you in class for the first time and chats spontaneously with you, and then says gosh, I wish I have a girlfriend followed by the cutest *wink can reduce a girl to the deepest hue of red followed by the most girlish giggles.

Having horrible coughing problems for more than a month (and taking medicine that leaves you feeling like you've got an anvil in your head) means that you have to stop taking cold oranges and spicy food. Now, stop already!

Never, ever in a million years go back to the doctor who diagnosed you with asthma (and made you cry out of fear) when it is medically impossible for you to get one.

With four assignments due at the end of the month and you've barely started means you've got to get to work ASAP.

Suddenly canceling a dinner party that you've been invited to (and have promised to go) gets you feeling very guilty and feeling like a very bad friend.

if you don't know me by now

2005-09-13T23:04:00.000+09:00

if you don't know me by now...

I was very tempted to remove the previous post, yet another attempt at the case of the missing blog posts drama. But *sheer was quick enough to catch it and post and *incriminating remark on my tag-board:

"asking for a lot, aren't you? *archly* Hmm...is it me but tat's a lopsided representation of your r/s...trying to win pple to your side? *grin*"

OUCH.

I'm just interested in replying to the 'lopsided representation' accusation... because the other two statements are just blatant untruths. Firstly, it is always a known fact that I do require, demand and expect a lot out of my relationship. Secondly, why worry about winning people? The war/negotiation/situation is only between two lovers. My readers are simply observers of my discourses. =)

So, *Sheer got me thinking. And it is true, that blog post (in fact all posts) are lopsided representations. Considering that:

- Their viewpoints are never heard here (it is my blog)
- I was a tabloid writer so I would say I can *sensationalize matters =)
- It's more fun this way, ain't it?
- I am a drama-*damsel, (probably) PMS-ing, paranoid, delusional and hyper sensitive.

So, what else would you expect from my posts? Objective, rational, Platonic truths?

Nonetheless, you must understand that it is exactly the thoughts that run through my head and heart. And if I sound pained (or at lame attempts to be funny) I am very hurt and frustrated. Nothing said is ever a lie but just the thoughts that I get inside. Therefore, lopsided representations.

I small scale metaphorically link myself and this situation with Carrie Bradshaw and her Sex and the City column. She disclaimers everything to be fictional, yet based on real life characters. When *Big finally read her column (turned into a book) and felt remorseful, she admitted the pain but asked him to forget about it.

I wonder too what I should or would say should *Gallant ever read my posts. He might feel bad (and embarrassed) and even remorseful (if he really cares). I guess I too will ask him to forget about it and to not take it to heart but note that the pain felt was very real. I might even be relieved that he knows as I would never have the guts to entirely spill everything to him in a single sitting.

There are elements undescribed and a whole other mind and person on the other end of the spectrum of this discourse. I would be limited in thinking if the thoughts here are conclusive.

In fact, if they weren't, and if I was hurting that bad (as in posts), I wouldn't still be with him, would I?

*Sigh

The other thing I've noticed is that my posts lately have all revolved around *Gallant. So sad... as if nothing else goes on in my mind. =I

Anyway, I'm busier than ever right now. I'm behind in my studies (and I hate that because I made a self pledge to go beyond personal bests this semester) and twentyfive is never finishing (and tagging along a whole lot of other problems).

Other problems a-festering as well.

So in the meantime, I've actually made a point not to bother myself with other people's problems, no matter how close they may be (okay, maybe except if *Gallant has a problem but he never seems to let anything trouble him).

It is disturbingly nice, to not let them weigh me down but at the same time, the guilt of even not asking 'how?' is at its highest discomfort. But there's no choice as there's no time.

if only

2005-09-12T02:27:00.000+09:00

if only

If we were girlfriends in our catty-polite ways, gossiping about our boyfriends and having a oh my boyfriend is so sweet he does this and that for me conversations (better yet, imagine a 60s maltshop setting and we were one of those high school girls with teeny waists with poodle skirts, ponytails and in pointed brassier breasted blouses)...

... I'd have nothing to say.

I really can't imagine why, as I am finally with a man with the heart and personality that stepped out of my most secret desires and dreams; and in return truly loves me.

Just that he doesn't have the time, doesn't have an ounce of romance in his bones, and the only shyness he has exists in the proclamation of his affections (outside of closed doors).

And every time I mention my relationship to the enquiring soul, there's always a certain expectation they attach to their conversation. Like, my mum suggesting what to cook since we have dinner every night and spend weekends together (we don't... not every), and my lecturer making his assumption that since we both are NUS students and that we stay on campus, we can spend much time together. In fact, were're merely three blocks apart. Sadly, their expectations are never the case, but I cringe and bear.

Aside from his calling me 'dear' (and our *ahem *ahem sessions), how else am I distinguished from his girlfriend other than his really good friend? Our romance, is truly dead.

Let's make a list:

her affections #1

On our fourth anniversary, I lit the entire room with candles, scented incense and prepared a tray of strawberries, chocolate, cookies (his favourite) and white wine.

his affections

He forgot the third anniversary.

her #2

Playfully *seduces him via text messages

him

Laughs. Tells me he thinks I'm cute.

her #3

Cooks dinner, makes dessert soups, boils herbal soups and teas and prepares sandwiches on a constant basis. Mantra: he must be well fed and healthy.

him

Made dinner. Once. During courtship. And he had to *slaughter a live fish in front of me, almost bringing me to tears.

her #4

Developed a simple lingo of private terms and endearments.

him

Uh-huh.

her #5

I-love-you counter stats, average per week: 3

him

I-love-you counter stats, average per week: 0.0005

(He says, he's not the expressive type. But through his non-verbatim, I should know his *deeper and *higher intentions. In fact, he even read me a Tang Dynasty poem that talks about lovers not having to always express their feelings through words or frequency but know that the emotion is always there. Yeah. Right. Only if we're in the Tang dynasty, dear.)

I think the last time he said that to me was during mid-kiss... I am of the opinion that any verbal endearments said by the male during an act of physical endearment is always their attempt of trying to get more. *Grin.

And countless other examples.

If a relationship is based on give and takes, I think I giveth and he taketh. Okay, perhaps I've been a little irrational here as he does provide... in the sense that he pays for our dinners (I pay for cab fare and movies), the occasional emo support and the indulging long phone call (I do pity his mobile phone bill) every night.

But that's provision and that the modern girl doesn't need.

Give me a good sweeping off my feet. Charm me, seduce me, enthrall me and romance me. Tell me sweet nothings and lavish me with tender praises (probably won't believe them but that doesn't matter). Put me on the highest pedestal that you can construct. Do all this, just because you adore me.

If only.

But I know I do. Charm, seduce, enthrall and romance; with praises, pedestals and adoration. And I'll still carry on and do the things I do because he does deserve my most tender affections even though he is the antagonist in my life chapter of love. Because you love me, I know.

Eventually, I hope he will come over to my side (being on cloud 9 is bliss, you know). I'm starting to get him used to public displays of affection (do you know he won't even hold my hand in the company of others we know??!!!). I've been giving him pecks on the cheek in public at every available chance. =)

In the meantime, I will be banging my head against the hard wall in protest of his stubborn ways.

no news, good news?

2005-08-16T18:59:00.000+09:00

is no news good news?

Well, nothing fantastic. Just that I'm busier than ever. Study-wise, doing my essays and presentations earlier in the semester rather than later.

Union-wise, I'm leaving office late September (*arghh.. end already!) and not running for another semester (if I did I would be quite insane). However, twentyfive is still not-yet-completed and there is the task of handing over and explaining the whole work load and job scope to the new scapegoat... oops... Publications Secretary.

Speaking of twentyfive, do check out our website at www.nussu.org/~twentyfive. Better still, buy a copy. Pretty please? *smiles*

Boyfriend-wise... practically non-existent. He's so busy, but I guess I'll have to understand.

Friend-wise. Fantastic. Two birthday parties in one night (Happy Belated, *sheer and *sheeli), wonderful dearies at home and in my classes, ones who came back from overseas (and some who will leave). Great conversations all round.

There's no news really. Just ups and downs these past few days. Will definately blog when something postworthy comes up or when I'm not about to collapse from exhaustion.

Poseidon and I are sick!

2005-08-10T23:28:00.000+09:00

The Damsel and her fish, feeling under the weather

While I was down with fever (and still sort of coughing and sore at the throat), Poseidon got sick too. His fins went red (blood capillaries were showing all over) and he was not his usual, hyperactive self. I got pretty worried and naturally, I lamented the problem to *Gallant.

After dinner, *Gallant came over and confirmed that Po was not well. He then did a google search and diagnosed Po with a case of Septicemia.

Although Po's water didn't look dirty, we changed it anyway and almost immediately, our goldfish is now his usual, happy self! The red blood streaks are fading and Po's doing flips in his bowl again for me.

*silly grinning look*

Situations like these... when I start to get paranoid and not know what to do (it didn't occur to me to google for goldfish sickness symptoms) and him stepping in and solving the problem... =)

*Golly, it makes a blushing, flushing *damsel out of me having "the day saved" and being rescued by her knight.

As for this sick *damsel? Lots of prescribed TLC, pampering, hugs and leaving his phone on late at night (and at the loudest volume so that he does wake up) in case I need him.

Kinda makes being sick not so bad. =P

I'm feeling a little b*tchy lately

2005-08-06T00:24:00.000+09:00

I'm feeling a little b*tchy lately

Call it a prolonged PMS without the *M session but I'm in perpetual irritance.

Inner irritance that comes out in bad spurts of b*tching. Like that post about Ms Shoes and a whole lot of other people I've bad mouthed at today's 'NUSSU Outstanding Awards' meeting where we decide the best committee, newcomer, etc. Outstanding.. NUSSU... yeah, right.

Oops. There I go again. It's my last. I promise.

B*tchy and Catty.

Hear me whine:

My holiday went pass me in a blur of wondering what I have achieved. I was not an intern at a political office, nor an assistant producer... heck... not even a magician's assistant. I was offered all these jobs (and more) and somehow, I've declined them and look where I am?

An editor. Of a book that has me with a jumble of messed up nerves. Worked like mad on it (or have I? Perhaps I was inefficiently doing things so it was an ineffective use of time? You know, paranoia as usual). And what if someone else messes it up for me? I have no full control over layout and I'm now glazing over and getting blur with the content.

And I'm sick. Well, sort of sick. The irritating point where the body is threatening to fail on you yet clinging on to the last shreds of health. The breath feels funny and water tastes weird. The body is hot yet cold yet normal. Enough already. I'd rather be sick because I feel guilty trying to rest when there is work to be done and I'm not a confirmed sickly person.

Bidding (my university does that for modules) was crazy. In their system, I'm still a year 3 and not 4. It's darn confusing (admittedly, because I'm trying to do strange stuff with the system) and I don't have the time to study it. Just today, I've bidded 1850 points for a module. That's my whole bank of points. It was a moment of frustration and impulse *purchasing of that module.

And speaking of *purchases, I got myself a new phone. I won't bother digging out for the model of that Nokia phone but trust me when I say its pretty (white, red and silver in colour) and comes with a cool pouch.

And then a facial and haircut and almost a pedicure.

A new blouse (sexy little dark jade green, laced piece with pink detail straps).

And various other costly nick nacks in the name of retail therapy.

But nothing helped. Well, frankly b*tching did but it was only temporary.
I shouldn't be spending so much lately. Not one of those *grumble *grumble I've-bought-s0-much-now-I'm-broke laments but of a serious note here.

The thing with b*tching is that you feel guilty afterwards... like I do right now. It wasn't even major b*tching. I even consider bad thoughts as a form of b*tching. Eventually, I'm hurting myself more with all this self torture of bad thoughts and words for others.

Oooh... I even have irritated thoughts about the *relationship. I wanted to blog something along the lines of 'in fairy tales, frogs become princes... in reality, princes become frogs'. Then again, I realised I was just being irritated with all things.

Not trying to be moralistic here. Just being frustrated.

Very.

A game or two of Diablo won't hurt right now. Just that I don't have the cd. Need to release all this bad energy in me. I'm so sick right now. Wish I had a punching bag or something. I wish I could scream too but my throat hurts.

On a side note, *Winky is back and *You will be going off soon. That should be interesting.

an inauguration

2005-08-02T01:08:00.000+09:00

an inauguration

Today was the NUS Freshmen inauguration Ceremony and I was to sit on stage and to stare blankly out onto a sea of freshmen faces as they introduced the University Deans and student leaders, one by one in a (lengthy) ceremony full of pomp and pageantry.

Boring as that might have sound to you, I was in full awe and a traditional girl like me can't help but to like ceremonies and protocols and pomp and pageantry, especially in its fullest exaggeration!

There were lights, there was music, there were the important people in their *important clothes (Deans wore robes, student leaders wore black suits) and a day slated aside just for the occasion of introducing us to them. So, as the ceremony started and we marched out onto the stage commanding the attention and respect that our roles accorded us the new, freshmen faces that looked at us was temporarily with awe, before returning to their usual bored state.

And the prickle of goosepimples and sudden blush of red on my cheeks was felt as soon as I dared look up and stare them back from my seat, with a clear view of the hundreds of new students that sat before me.

Now I remember my first stage debut. Now I know why people love the limelight.

.::.

There was a minor crisis, though. Remember Ms Shoes?

Well, Ms Shoes is in her clearly pregnant state now, and due to image reasons, we decided that this student leader should not join us on stage, being introduced to the freshmen.

But she insisted. Ignored her colleagues and even the ushers. Practically demanded. Held her head high and walked in with the line and onto the stage, although her seat was already removed. She stood there until they brought in an extra seat for her on stage.

I shall not blame the guy for making her pregnant (I've just met the husband... he looks so young, and he is!) as consensual sex is after all pleasure felt by both parties. The female should know of her own risks. Although, nature is truly unfair.

Commendable is her fight for rights to continue with her studies, going to her classes, and to be on stage, against all expected of her in a society full of prejudices and finger pointing.

But that's the surface.

Mistakes are what they are, and the true feminist will know when to call her battles tactfully. While I applaud her for still wanting to continue with her studies and arguing her way through the university administration to continue to do so, and agree that it is her right to appear on stage...

... where does she draw the line on defending her rights and merely trying to prove herself? To whom, for what and at what costs?

While she need not feel ashamed for walking around school in her full bodied state, is it necessary to announce via yahoogroups to all that she is pregnant. In fact, she even asked for baby supplies.

And the gossips, scandals, etc... that all came from her mouth perhaps of truth or uttered merely to salvage herself. I shouldn't say too much by disclosing them all here. All in her definition of feminism which I am vehemently against and I am saddened to see such display of wrecklessness by a once-thought capable female.

I feel soapbox-y tonight.

looking at the bigger picture

2005-07-31T13:04:00.000+09:00

looking at the bigger picture

So, *Gallant forgot our anniversary...

... but he was extremely remorseful and apologetic about it.

I'm not angry with you, just very hurt, disappointed and upset.

And so I told him my side of the story.

And he told me his.

I finally understand. He's busy and hard at work.

I need not second guess his thoughts anymore. In other words, no more paranoia... temporarily, that is, until the next crisis. =)

Finally understanding the situation, I love him more and no longer upset.

See guys, please just talk to your girl. We're not merely overemotional without a cause.

So, we're happy. In love. And we have a fish.

That's enough for now.

continuing saga of the boyfriend-who-forgot-the-anniversary

2005-07-29T10:08:00.000+09:00

three months: the celebration... NOT

We wished each other our first and second month anniversary together on the phone thousands of miles apart. It was heartbreaking wishing that the utterance of I love yous could not be accompanied by an embrace. Nevermind says he, and requested my patience as the third month we will be together and celebrations can commence.

Imagine then me, holding on to the promise that he has forgotten in an emotional mix of sadness and frustration as minutes ticked towards, and then after, the point of midnight that indicated our third full moon of calling each other mine and yours.

In fact, after our casual dinner at the hawker centre, he made off to eat durians with his friends and then proceed with his work. Tomorrow, he will be having a meeting and then drinks with another friend, after his lab work. In other words, his entire day is taken up. Let's say I do get to see him, it'll be after our anniversary.

Call me a petty female if you must, but I can't bring myself to remind him. These horrible apparitions of sentences appeared in the mind as I try to think of ways to tell him:

"Dear, could you put aside all those things you want to do and urgently have to attend to and just come sit and hug this clingy girlfriend of yours for our three month anniversary that you've conveniently forgotten?"

"Dear, you've forgotten our third month anniversary! Do I not mean a thing to you?"

How about:

"You silly excuse for a boyfriend, rotten, absent minded MALE."

Really. These things matter to the female species and our overly delicate tear ducts as well as our hyper imagination that our worth in the relationship is proportional to your shower of affections, especially on occasions such as monthly anniversaries.

*Sigh.

And that sexy halter dress and new dangly diamanté earrings with high, high heels that I've picked out for our dinner that I changed out of after you announced that we are having dinner at a hawker centre today...

And the candles, wine, strawberries and chocolate I've prepared for our dinner after.

Such a pity you don't remember our anniversary.

- 12.43am

continuing saga of the boyfriend-who-forgot-our-anniversary

I woke a few hours ago, still in my mild rage over the fact that he could forget this day of the month. If this keeps up, this woman is bound to have two PMS sessions every moon.

So, I played with my new pet fish, Poseidon to take my mind off he-who-has-forgotten-our-anniversary.

.::.

Here's POSEIDON, lord of his fish bowl!

There goes Po.

Po, viewed from above.

Po's quite camera shy, I realized. I mean, take a look at the first shot I got of him:

Po thinks to himself: OMG! A camera!

Po's a gift from *Gallant. Well, not a surprise, darling! Here's something for you gift. Rather, something he so happened to have paid for.

Well, it went something like this:

We bought the fish earlier from a fish shop, and then went around to look for Po's sand and bubble blower. I paid for Po.

"Dear, let me pay for the sand and other things," said he, reaching for his wallet when we were at the counter.

Now, getting a fish is always something I wanted to do. It was only right that I made the payment for everything but a gift of the goldfish itself from him would be something nice... and secretly something I hoped he would do for me (oh, come on... the fish was only $4. I'm not asking for a diamond studded fish).

After all, Po would be loved to bits by me. So...

"Erm, why don't you pay for the fish and I'll pay for the sand," I asked.

And so, my boyfriend gave me Poseidon. In our own funny twist of things.

.::.

Back to the topic of the post at hand... the boyfriend-who-forgot-our-anniversary.

Yes, *Gallant is sweet in his own ways. Unfortunately, more romantic and sweet when he was pursuing me (wait, isn't he still suppose to do that?) and not sweet enough as I would require my man to be.

There are the little things he does, such as making sure I eat well and right, and lending the support I need for my work and studies, and these two things are vital for a person who often forgets about herself.

And then, there are (rare) moments when he says or does just that right thing.

Like yesterday, he left a twenty cent coin quietly for me in my bag. You see, we do our laundry with twenty cent machines and I often run out and so these little coins are valuable to us!

And not forgetting, this night.

But no... I don't get the flowers, poetry, serenades and sweet talk as I do from all the other men who has pursed this *damsel.

So, my relationship lacks the conventional romance.

But *Gallant is so much more of a man than I can ever ask for and I love him dearly.

Nonetheless, still a man temporarily in trouble as today, he forgot our anniversary!

bedtimes

2005-07-24T05:14:00.000+09:00

bedtimes

Insisting that I needed rest after a long day of packing and unpacking (with no sleep the night before), *Gallant tucked me into bed.

Just being there, hugging me tight and talking to me soothingly was what I needed to comfort me as I am now again away from home.

And as I fell into slumber, he watched me sleep (although something tough to do as you try to sleep with someone watching). There was a certain intensity in his deed, yet with so much gentle care.

For me, this has to be the sweetest, and most heart warming thing he has done for me yet.

~ * ~

Oh yes, I'm back in Singapore.

great expectations

2005-07-08T14:04:00.000+09:00

great expectations

If you only live once, hence carpé diem -seize the day and fulfilll life to the fullest of its potential. We are to only push ourselves to the most that we can do and achieve, else how could you say that we have tried and eventually realized our ambitions? Furthermore, *Father Damsel has drilled a personal philosophy, where we are only to compare with those stronger or more fortunate rather than to excessively count blessings and thank heavens.

If only Daddy knew how much his little *Damsel listens to him (speaking of *Father Damsel, his birthday is this Sunday). Taking his philosophy far too seriously and in a negative manner, I have interpreted it to mean that I am at the very bottom and at the end of all desirable qualities and achievements for I only see those who are better.

Hence, for myself things must always be at its ideal form, no compromises acceptable.

And so I become bitter.

Bitter, whiny and irritatingly always wanting more. Always insatiable. Frankly, it is tiring being this anal.

I've been fretting over twentyfive wanting it to be the greatest coffeetable book ever achievable by a student. Exaggerate, I may. But hey, I do secretly wish it to be so. After all, the countless hours planning and working and wishing... how could I expect any less.

But reality is so, isn't it. Variable, unpredictable factors that come into play that takes you further away from the ideal, perfect state. Right now, my ideas are not fully translated as I see into twentyfive. From the people I work with (and the sudden deaths and projects, etc so they need to be excused from work) to the plain fact that I am tired. I am very tired.

So sections are cut and compromises are made. With each decision to do so, the heart winces and my morale falls as I move further away from my book's ideal.

But who says twentyfive still won't be *kick-ass spectacular? Just you wait. Perhaps I'm not making compromises, simply concluding instead that the book will be in fact, perfect, just in its realistic this-is-the-best-I-can-do form.

"It's puppy love"

2005-07-01T22:03:00.000+09:00

"It's puppy love"

My 15 year old sister has a boyfriend!

I could read all the signs... firstly, she was sms-ing more than usual, and she *flirted less with the boys who call and whom she had projects with. She suddenly has more projects to join too, as well as staying late at school and going for hours on MSN. Also, she is more fashionably conscious lately, as well as eating a lot less to watch her weight. Plus, I catch her with a *goofy grin on her face every now and then.

So, this busybody *Damsel inquired, and little sister *Damsel admitted the presence of her new love.

Three weeks. *Tee hee... fresh love is always easy to detect.

However, sister *Damsel had another worrying consequence... her grades are slipping. She was an *aye student before the boyfriend and now she is a *see student. Very bad. *shakes head* Well, I tried my best to council her on that matter today. *Gosh, I must say I have not played this big sister role in a very long time (being away at university for so long and we were not really close anyway).

She told me that she will still keep her school work as her priority and that she knows this is just after all, "puppy love".

But puppy love is grand. The most *dizzying, fantastic, magical and lift-you-up-and-dance-on-clouds kinda feeling.

I remember my puppy love days with the love letters, the I'll-call-you-for-the-sake-of-calling phone calls, the horrible attempts of the guys to write poetry, the secret meetings at the playground, the endearing names, and hundreds of other most *mushy acts of young, teenage love.

I remember too that secret spot near the trees where we'd hide and held hands, sharing our dearest secrets of our forever and ever.

If you ask me, I don't find being in love now, any different than being in puppy love. I'm still experiencing the silly smiles and perpetual thoughts of my dearest. If love is alcoholic, then I am very drunk!

You see, I can never comprehend people being in relationships and remain *sober. For how can you? How can the jump of the heart at the thought or the sight of that someone special keep you in your calm state? How can the flutter of nerves and senses keep a person under such ecstasy in a condition unchanged quite like themselves before the discovery that someone loves them too?

Is it because the older one gets the more inhibited adults become? One forces the nerves to be calm and speech to reflect the old, matured age to display the seriousness of all things? For instance, people say that relationships tend to have flames that once burn bright to soon a very steady but dimmed flame. We gush when we see a couple in their golden haired years holding hands as it seems to be a sight worthy of *awe.

I don't think couples have fallen out of love or diminished in their sentiments of the wonderful emotion. I just think, they were being adult.

Therefore, ideally, puppy love is really no different from true love. I just hope that my guy would remain young in this thought, and in love, with me.

all in smiles - he's coming back

2005-06-26T00:56:00.000+09:00

all in smiles - *Gallant's coming back!

My dearest *Gallant is coming back to Singapore next Sunday. Nevermind I'm here in KL, cause I'll be dropping by for a surprise visit when he gets back. But he's coming back! *bouncing for joy*

And this Wednesday, we're two months! =) I'm sending him this hand made card that I've slaved and laboured over the entire evening (of course, you know I always exaggerate).

The painsakingly stenciled card with Japanese 'bird and blossom' motif.

The 2nd month anniversary card against a coloured background.

I think I will leave it simple. Will just go down to the paper shop tomorrow to pick up a sweet colour with an oriental textured paper (if any) for the inlay. Finish with a personal message and sign off in calligraphy. *Voila.

I wanted to get one of those hallmark cards for him, being the lazy *damsel that I am. Guilt got to me as I recalled how he made me a card for my birthday. On the cover of the card was one of Botero's paintings that I quite liked. And we also visited the Singapore Arts Museum together when we were dating, just to see Botero's paintings and sculptures. I believed that night was when I realised I was falling for this *gallant guy. The night was *perfect and he sealed the memories in his birthday card to me.

Also in the card was a lovely poem and a personal note. It was so sweet that for practically a whole week, I was reading and re-reading his card. *sigh.

He's coming back! (And he's bringing back embroidered silk for me to make a cheongsam! *hee!)

Barbra, back home, and work

2005-06-21T11:01:00.000+09:00

Barbra, being such a let down on Oprah

I am a Barbra Streisand fan (admittedly not overly fanatical to know every single song or possess any of her albums). Nonetheless, with enough interest to respect and marvel at the quality of her voice and singing style.

This respect however, drastically changed when I saw her on Oprah this morning. Even Oprah was uncomfortable with this self absorbed, obsessively colour co-ordinated diva (she demanded that her microphone be spray painted 'off-white' to match her clothes).

This was one of the exchanges (as I recalled) they had on the topic of aging and being able to change the colour of flowers with willpower:

Barbra: I spoke to Deepak, and he told me that I have a strong willpower. I hated the colour of my flowers outside of my window and they changed exactly to the colour I wanted.

Oprah: You would think the SUN had something to do with that.

Barbra: No, no. Deepak said it was my DESIRE that willed the flowers to change colour. And I have a strong willpower. Nodding her head vigorously

Oprah: Do you think willpower has anything to do with age? You're in your 50s.

Barbra: *Gasping and looking horrified*

Oprah: Alright! You're 49! Haha... But I'm proud to be 50. We should be role models for women our age so we must be proud of our age.

Barbra: Everybody is different... I wouldn't say I was too thrilled when I reached my fifties.

Oprah: (Saying *stuff, moralistically about being fabulous at fifty. I can't recall...)

Barbra: Well, I guess you feel differently about it. I mean, women who are not in a relationship (Oprah is single, Barbra was bragging about her relationship with James Brolin) somehow have lower expectations of themselves, having no man to live up to.

Oprah: Oh, that's interesting.

Oprah mentioned something a little later about Celine Dion, never talking during the day so that she can preserve her voice for performances at night. Barbra said that her mouth was too good to be kept shut. The interview was horrible and there was a roomful of Barbra's biggest fans in there. I wonder if she lost half the fans in the room.

.::.

I'm back at home - Malaysia

I'm finally home (I'm actually sitting here, letting the sentence soak in!).

Mom's pampering me, and I will be catching up with my friends and family. So far, I've already gone for my facial and I have so many other things planned.

Nonetheless, I will still be working on my union book, twentyfive from here. Here's the blog I've started for work: www.nussutwentyfive.blogspot.com. Warning: the blog is all about work. Nothing too interesting yet. =)

I'm also missing *Gallant more than ever. In another eight more days, we will be celebrating our two month anniversary. I thought I'd be used to it by now, that he is so far away but not really. No.

Admittedly, memories of his facial expressions, his hugs and all are fading but not the fond tug of the heart that can only be caused by him. He will be back soon. I just have to be patient. =)

And to friends who I've too hurriedly left behind in Singapore... I'm sorry! I was craving home too much! =) I will make it up to you when I return. *hugs*

.::.

The Part-time Career Girl

I've been offered two jobs this holiday.

i. Writing Press Releases

Faux was very happy with the safari party job I've done for her (oops, I just realized I didn't blog about that). She introduced me to another one. I've been commissioned by a Singaporean author who wants to launch her new book. It's a low scale launching so its only through press-releases. I can't reveal her name though. It's *secret as she wants the launching to be a surprise.

ii. A Magician's Assistant

*Hee! The Magician I contracted for the safari party offered me a job as his stage assistant! This *Damsel gets to wear shiny, slinky and sexy costumes (ooh... bunny suit, here I come *grin) and say stuff like 'isnt' that magnificent' and 'isn't that wonderful' and 'oooh, that's magic'! =P

Also, I get to be cut in half, levitated and so much more. Haha... it's a wonder why I'm not seriously considering this.

I don't know... should I? I mean, it is all fun after all. =) Would you?

how much sleep???!!!

2005-06-09T10:53:00.000+09:00

how much sleep*???!!!

Last night, this *Damsel slept from 1am until 9.30am this morning (wouldn't have woken up if boss didn't call her).

The night before, I slept one hour while waiting to talk to *Gallant (who was busy), and then slept some more after that, from 1.30am - 6.30am.

I went for a walk with *Em, came back at 7.30am and after showering (because I got caught in the rain) and slept some more until I had to get ready for my meeting at 9.00am.

After said meeting, I came back home at 2.30pm and slept from 3.00pm - 6.00pm (awaken by *Wien as I had to pass him something) and then sleep again from 6.30pm - 9.00pm.

*Grin... I was sick, okay. Had a temperature and a sore throat. Also, I sounded funny... like a flu just about to happen.

Don't know whether it is the rain I got caught in, or that *Faux was sick and I spent the day with her. It could also be the lack of rest and the hours of work work work work... I barely sleep four - five hours now.

It must be all of the above.

I'm feeling better, though. Had lots of liquids (goodness knows how much strawberry cultured milk and orange juice I chugged). And felt so good after so much sleep!

*time mentioned are estimates

told-ja I was a utilitarian

2005-06-08T19:24:00.000+09:00

told-ja I was a utilitarian

.::.

You scored as Utilitarianism. Your life is guided by the principles of Utilitarianism: You seek the greatest good for the greatest number.

“The said truth is that it is the greatest happiness of the greatest number that is the measure of right and wrong.”
--Jeremy Bentham

“Whenever the general disposition of the people is such, that each individual regards those only of his interests which are selfish, and does not dwell on, or concern himself for, his share of the general interest, in such a state of things, good government is impossible.”
--John Stuart Mill

More info at Arocoun's" Wikipedia User Page...

Utilitarianism

100%

Existentialism

100%

Kantianism

80%

Justice (Fairness)

75%

Hedonism

75%

Strong Egoism

35%

Nihilism

20%

Apathy

15%

Divine Command

What philosophy do you follow? (v1.03)
created with QuizFarm.com

.::.

But zero on devine command?

Pretty Pink Roses!

2005-06-05T02:19:00.000+09:00

Pretty Pink Roses

The *Damsel had a very nice day starting with a morning walk with *Em, exploring Kent Ridge Park. The walk started at 6.30am. The view from the canopy walk is magnificent, company is wonderful, air is fresh and what a way to start the day with a walk in the green, green nature reserve!

Well, one could be more awake, actually...

But the day got better still. A big lunch at a Chinese Restaurant with senior *Sheer, followed by some walking around (she found a father's day gift) and then a movie, 'The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy' (really good... I would highly recommend it!).

And generous, gift-giving *Sheer gave me flowers!

Aren't they pretty! =) Thank you, *Sheer.

And there really was no occasion -- a pure surprise! I love it when gifts have the ability to surprise you and make you feel warm all over.

the *little things that make you go ahhh...

2005-06-01T20:56:00.000+09:00

the *little, *big things

Let's start with a small *victory.

Two of my publications, hooked and ASPIRE is linked in the Singapore Ministry of Community Development, Youth and Sports' youth arm's website/blogsite. *beams*. This *Damsel had something to do with that happening...

Secondly, the e-vite for the safari party is ready (credit given to a designer friend, *Wien, who helped):

This party is for my client to bring in more clients. We will be competing against:

and

My five star hotel venue doesn't seem that special anymore, compared to Indochine and Chijmes... but I am suddenly in awe of the scale that is expected for these parties. *Darn I got the cheap paying clients...

But to end on a light note, the thing that made me stop for a while and just *smile was that when I was confronted with the question today, "how do you know he loves you?" and I answered to myself: I just know.

*Dear, just come back quickly, won't you?

poster girl

2005-05-30T15:50:00.000+09:00

NUS, Bukit Timah poster girl?

The NUS campus is expanding to the Bukit Timah location and for the university, this is big news. The university's Office of Corporate Relations is immediately (naturally) tasked to publicise the great news and so they're all geared up for the publicity... and surprisingly, they gave me a call today to ask me to be one of (the many) poster girls.

Flattered as I am, I don't quite think my self confidence is ready to see myself plastered all over busses, lamp post banners and a billboard.

*shivers*

But *flattered, nonetheless. Well, not too much of a *biggie, actually, when you consider that all they are actually looking for are the *average looking university students.

.::.

Today is not too great a day, actually. Work progress for twentyfive is bad. As for the Safari Party job, her offer of pay is pathetically low and I'm being worked hard.

taking a bullet

2005-05-29T12:19:00.000+09:00

taking a bullet

Distraction is key, especially when I don't want to dwell on the unpleasant inevitable turn of events and I have NUSSU, twentyfive and the safari party I am planning. In addition, I am currently addicted to the West Wing drama series and I'm almost done watching the 25 plus, fourty five minutes (or so) episodes in less than a week (an *amazement, given the tonnes of work I have to do this week).

In the most recent episode, there was a shootout and in a dramatic scurry and all, the FBI agents piled themselves over the President, his daughter and senior staff while bullets were flying from above at them.

Having watched JFK, this isn't unusual and the FBI are trained to do so at times of crises. Instinctively trained to do so, jumping in front of a bullet, taking shots for their protectants. Ancient times did it also, where the Emperor of China had a trusted aide to try his dishes to make sure they weren't poisoned before the Emperor's consumption.

If the self preservation of life is said to be the most important to the person, said the wise philosophers, then why these acts of living sacrifice? It made a bigger wonder to me that they can be voluntary AND instinctual.

How was it that their inner motivation (or cause) was so strong that they'd be willing to give up the most precious thing -- life itself?

I'm not looking to make myself willing to die for political causes, or anyone, for that matter. It is just that the generation today, compared to the one of yesteryear, and ones before that seem to me increasingly lacking in spirit, in cause, in action... all things associated to motivation. I saw this yesterday at the NUS alumni dinner I attended, where the *old students spoke about the nostalgia, experiences and friendship, and the current NUS students spoke of wanting to get out of school, of the alienated education system and friendships.

.::.

Motivation, I need too, to pull me through studies and work.

.::.

*Gallant and I had a long phone conversation (almost three hours -- *ouch, the phone bill!) last night to welcome our one month anniversary together.

We spoke reminiscently of our dates, and gave personal perspectives of how we both experienced the day itself. There were sweet sms-es too... such as the one I received to awaken me this morning that serves to reinforce the fact that someone as special as he shares a same special feeling with me.

I really needed to be reminded that I do love him very much and that the weeks will past and we would have persevered the distance apart. You see, things are great whenever I am on the phone talking to him, or when we share sms-es. But those moments in between, when the fact is that he is far away, leaves a girl feeling empty.

And I must remember that he will be coming back. And when he does (although he will be having his club orientation projects *grumble) we will finally get our time together again.

What also helped was the alumni dinner actually, and meeting with some of the couples I will be interviewing for twentyfive. Many of them met during university and shared their courtship stories. I was *dazed listening to their lovely memories and can't wait to work on this section of the book.

I'm not saying that *Gallant and I are going to get married any time soon, but the lesson is that relationships are serious at this stage (and who is to say we aren't) and that I'm not going to have time with him just for a short time (like the other relationships).

*Sigh, it is still, nonetheless, silly to talk / think about these things now... but *he brings it up too!

Two people in their relationship honeymoon stage, brought far apart from each other can at most times be sprouting very corney lines and cliché ideas about love. But it makes us happy... so there!

Happy One Month, my dear. I look forward to our third month, where we will be *finally celebrating it together. Thank goodness you're *worth all this drama.

the capitalist and the consumer

2005-05-28T14:58:00.000+09:00

the capitalist and the consumer

I went to Clementi Village today to do a little bit of provision shopping and I can't help looking at my receipts and thinking that I'd be saving a whole lot more money if I were the *typical shopper.

When I say that I am *atypical, I am referring to the ever dieting me (hence the need for less, than more food) who also sometimes need *special food (organic, healthy food items).

I think the capitalist just felt the need to be choking out money from every single person. For example, why must brown rice, be more expensive than the white variant that undergoes the extra process of de-husking and polishing, rather than my humble brown rice? Same goes for diet food. Don't I save companies oil and lard? Why charge more? *grumble.

I eat (arguably) less than the average consumer. Hence my bill should be less, produce wise... yet it is more (well, I do often buy boxes of strawberries *grin).

*Sigh, it is expensive, trying to be healthy.

I also dropped by the pharmacy to pick up something for my thinning hair (even *Mother Damsel and *Gallant said I should do something about it). The capitalist market provided many choices for me alright. Examining many of the shampoo bottles, they have the additional line: for faster, more significant hair growing results, use x shampoo with y tonic.

Once again, just because us scant haired people have less hair (hence use less shampoo), the capitalist must concoct a new way of getting more money out of us, *atypical shoppers.

*grumble *grumble. I'd rather go shopping with this cash.

.::.

I'm going here for dinner tonight.

allow me to whine

2005-05-27T18:40:00.000+09:00

allow me to whine

I am very tired with NUSSU and work, and although blog entry ideas/inspiration comes, I get too tired to finish or even start the entry.

And things are not really that good with the relationship. Yeah, yeah, we love each other, have great conversations, etc... But I don't recall signing on to a long distance relationship.

I mean, barely three weeks into things and *bam, the boyfriend's in China. And that three weeks? We were having exams and then he with his club projects.

If this was the case, wouldn't I be just better off with one of those internet relationships? A long distance *thing just isn't the same. Many say it just doesn't work.

Worse still, I take a while to warm up to people. I had a nightmare yesterday that when I finally do see him (nine plus weeks later), I'd get nervous and shy being physically around him.

Great. My boyfriend, the stranger.

Today marks one week he has left for home. It was already long enough.

This Sunday, May 29 marks one month we've been together. Yet, it was too short to really say anything.

Coupled with work and other stressful matters, I don't think I'm in a good shape right now.

Thanks fates. I knew you were up to something when you've gotten me my *perfect man.

*Sigh, and I can't even complain to him. I don't want to. Do you think I'm being irrational here or is it fair that I am this unhappy?

stopping and breathing

2005-05-21T18:55:00.000+09:00

stopping and breathing for a while

I just had a quick glance at myself and was pretty shocked at the sunken and darken eyes, hollowed cheeks and downturned smile.

I guess I have to admit that I am very sad that the boyfriend is not here for the vacation and have been a little hard at falling asleep. Worse still is the need to sound cheery and happy at emails and phone calls.

But even more sad with the fact that I have been away from home for too long, and I'm very homesick at the moment with a need to run home. The last I was back in Malaysia was CNY. That's far too long ago.

And I will be. So as we speak, I am trying my best to clear up union matters, twentyfive and other what nots. Countless phone calls and a million emails later as well as compiling NUSSU News (because this is NUSSU News week), I am tired.

I need to go home tonight. I'll be back Tuesday.

.::.

*Gallant has been sending sweet emails from Shanghai and had just called this afternoon. I must say, my dearest sounds much livelier and playful from back home compared to his usual, put-together mysterious and gallant self here. No kidding... even at his most *playful in Singapore, there is a tone of seriousness.

It's almost like: "I love you. Seriously."

Well, perhaps our relationship took a turn for higher ground as he lets go of (all?) of his guard with me? You see, he just told his parents all about me last night in a three hour conversation.

"The verdict, my dear, is that they really like you."

Well, based on what he (*biasly) said and discounting the fact that I can't speak Mandarin. *Wink.

I guess this is very sweet... and his parents are very happy for us. But I can't help feeling rather scared. Happy also, don't get me wrong, but with a tinge of fear of how serious this is turning out to be.

This is after all what I want - the commitment from a guy. I couldn't get this from men of past. Yes, *Gallant is nothing at all like the men of past.

It is sort of like the steps of life we take and the feelings we encounter when, say, one makes a choice of which major to take in university (thus determining what we do for life) and soon graduation (in about a year's time) where we step into the working world. Here I am, having fallen in love.

Lookie... the *Damsel's growing up and all!

.::.

Erm, so... should I tell my parents?

.::.

Anyway, being suddenly *deprived of my *fabulous job in Batam resort island as an assistant producer and currently without a ministry internship, refused, due to said *fabulous job that I don't have, *Faux offered me another job instead.

I will be assisting her as an event organiser for a party sponsored by local telecommunications company, Starhub. I started today and the party will be mid next month.

In the meantime, I will be working on twentyfive.

Not too exciting a holiday plan, I must say.

a weird conversation I had just this morning...

2005-05-20T11:17:00.000+09:00

a weird conversation I had this morning

A cluster mate I rarely speak to suddenly pops her head into *Damsel's door asking for help to zip up her brand new dinner blouse at 10.15 am in the morning. The girl of a *rotund frame was wearing nothing else but the impossible to zip frilly black blouse... and her Victoria's Secrets bra and panty set. 'VS' was inscripted all over. No one could miss where the undergarments came from.

"Excuse me, could you help me zip this please?"

"Okay, sure," said I proceeding to do the task. I realised that the zipper is only halfway up her blouse. I couldn't help being curious (or *kaypo) as the frilly (and flirty) blouse had a low, wide neck and back. This was a girl who barely goes out and only wears tee-shirts with jeans.

"There's a difficult clasp as well at the back. Please hook it for me as well," said she, leaving more awkward silence between us so I asked her my curious question.

"Pretty blouse. What's the occasion?" I asked.

"Oh, it is from Victoria's Secrets - a very expensive brand," said she referring to her undergarments. I caught a glimpse of her blouse's label. It said something like 'hooch' or 'ooch'.

"Erm, wow. I meant to ask what's the special occasion."

"Oh, the blouse is brand new, also from another expensive brand."

I gave up. She apparently doesn't quite understand the concept of question and answer conversations. But she continued, "The occasion is private. Also, why I bought this was because it was on sale and I am having a special, private occasion."

Curiouser and curiouser. But nevermind.

.::.

On a side note, the boyfriend left to go back to Shanghai to visit his family for the semester vacation. I sent him off at the airport yesterday morning and I was without a dry eye on the day of the departure and the days following up to his departure.

I've grown very fond of him and miss my dearest very much. And for all the liberal feminist talk of being independent, *I-don't-need-a-man soapbox I have been (self) preaching upon, I conclude at this point that although I still feel that life can go on without a man, life can be made very much sweeter and happier with the presence of the right one.

sorry

2005-05-17T23:56:00.000+09:00

Very sorry all!

Many updates. Missing blog presence justifiable... perhaps.

Will blog Thursday, well... maybe.

some misfortunes

2005-05-10T20:28:00.000+09:00

some misfortunes - make lemonade?

There was a miscommunication with *Faux as she took my message to mean that I was not interested, but you can still try to persuade me to join the production team rather than my message of saying that I am interested, let me know more details.

In other words, I just lost a great job opportunity at a resort island.

But what is worse, I also lost the internship with the Malaysian ministry. I lamented my troubles to my editor and he says he will try to do his best to see what he can do. No promises, though.

If all fails, I still have a job with NSTP.

But what I really want is an internship... or a really cool vacation production job - like the one I just lost.

karma says: life is constant suffering

2005-05-10T10:41:00.000+09:00

karma says: life is constant suffering

I spent much of my influential young age with my maternal second aunt and would always beg *Mother Damsel to let me stay over at her place during the school holidays then.

Second Aunt is a very admirable role model. You see, my grandfather forbade his daughters to be schooled beyond 16, preferring them to work or to find a good marriage prospect. Second Aunt, of course, went against his commands. Having done very well in her classes and wanting more of the academic pursuit she went on to a teaching colleage in England. Her funding was from hard and numerous part time work, and from a local monk who gave her a loan of his life savings. And even with her minimal fundings, she bought me Mr Men books. I have them until today.

She is currently married to a headmaster (of the *best school in Penang, according to the papers and school-wide examination results) and has rooms with books, wall-to-wall. That's why I loved going there.

The other thing about Second Aunt and her influence with this *Damsel was her practice of dana (the act of giving). We would wake up together at 5am to prepare food for the practicing monks who lived in the hills. They would come down every morning to the community at the foot of the hill to beg for alms (food only, they don't accept money). And even in the receiving o(f merit (or what I would like to call *karma points), she would tell me to share them: "I share my merits with my family, etc..."

To this day, would like to think that I still practice dana. Though not to monks, but to people and my volunteer efforts. (*Sigh, but most of you don't call it dana, you call it *mothering. *shrug).

She tried her best to instill the teachings of the dharma in her little niece. She took me for meditation sessions, constantly gave me gifts of dharma books and took me for dharma talks. She was quite successful then as I could chant pali (she made sure I knew the one for knowledge and enlightenment) and the basic suttas.

But Buddhism didn't bode well with the *Damsel. Although certain thoughts were most impressive (such as enlightenment, dana and metta), I constantly questioned the inegalitarian ways of the karma - Why men, not women? How just is the system of karma - how is one to determine right or wrong in cases of ambiguity?

Worse was the theory of perpetual suffering. Auntie tried to explain it to the adolescent *Damsel with an example of love: "Being single, you worry about getting a boyfriend. When dating, you wonder if he is right and if he is the one. Then you get married and there are worries of getting children, starting a new home, etc. And even then, you will worry if his love will always be yours and no other. And all this suffering, with regards to something many would deem a happy virtue - love. To live is to suffer."

And yes, the *Damsel shall now turn this blog post to once again centre around her significant other.

*Gallant, I see, the first when I wake and the last when I sleep. For all times in between, he is not here.

He is busy with his charity musical and other club projects. (*Sigh, the *perils of being involved with people in the student council). He has his ISM project too on neurons (I tease that he will be able to find a cure for Parkinson's disease) and that keeps him busy. And in about a week, my dearest flies home for the holidays.

This is my happiest, and yet my most sad.

How fair is it, that I (finally) find someone who makes me so happy, and barely a week and a half into our *journey, he is busied by so many other things and has to leave me for two and a half months!

And yet, I can't throw the typical, airhead me tantrums to *demand for more time.

His projects are important and there are many other people involved. As for his trip back home, I would be cruel to wish that he sees not his family. I guess I just have to *grit and *bear. And I've been doing just that. The best thing I can do for him now is to make the issue of my lonely heart be a non-issue.

To be fair, he does try his best to make time. Even after a long day, he comes back to visit me (and even tried to indulge me with conversation... although I know he'd much rather be dozing off). But shouldn't it be that we are to cuddle the entire day, watch an endless list of movies together, go for many midnight walks and read together?

*Sigh. *Gritting and *bearing.

I am now aware that the truth of constant suffering is painfully true.

put on weight???!!!

2005-05-09T12:08:00.000+09:00

oh, heck you! part II

I just bumped into *Faux and she said/*purred, "My dear! Very stressed-ah? You put on weight!"

Oh *Faux, heck you.

But *eep. I better get more exercise soon. I think I need a new haircut too.

Charity Musical

On a side but more important note, here is *Gallant's charity musical project. Doing the *girlfriend thing, I must help publicise his event. So please let me know if you'd like to help support his cause.

No worries, he is not singing.

Blissful

On a side, side, note... *we exchanged three special words last night.

It was too soon for me to be with these *utterances of magnanimous significance, but as we discussed his inevitable departure soon for the holidays (we will be apart for two and a half months) I started to tear and realized that I cared beyond what I thought I cared, which is *a lot to begin with.

So, I cared not for traditional protocol where it was for the guy to initiate these things and told him instead.

Well, *fat, panda-eyed, silly and a whole host of other useless traits, *Gallant finds that he is able to love me. And for that, I am blissful and content this morning.

Disclaimer

The author of the *Oriental Damsel will not be held responsible for medical cases related to goosepimples, vomiting and nausea caused by reading this blog. It is obvious that the said author is still in her *honeymoon phase of her new (and glorious) relationship so all things in the world revolve around... *what else? =) Don't come here for a while if you expect to read something non-mushy or intellectual. Because, heck you. The *Damsel writes whatever she wants. =)

quickies

2005-05-08T14:09:00.000+09:00

Enough. "Heck you".

I'm stick-a-fork-in-me done with my exams (since last Thursday, actually). It was a very tiring experience, this exam and I was nearing burnout. I was trying my best to ignore the fact and constantly tried to keep positive. I really wasn't okay.

Frankly, I need to recuperate.

Enough union matters, enough of thinking and re-thinking and re-assessing and reevaluating everything. Enough of school and life and friends and family. Enough of research work. Enough of worrying about the future and how I will turn out. Enough of thinking about how others perceive me and enough about how I need to please you and worry about me for a change. I have frown lines. Enough of that.

I'm going to take things a little slower now. I'll do whatever the union needs at a very basic level. I'll catch up with you as and when I please (cause lately, I'm busy replying emails and Friendster messages to friends who I'm not too close with. I am not, of course, referring to the near and close ones). I'm just going to finish the final parts of my research paper, hand it in and *disappear (after collecting my pay, though).

Then, I'm going to curl up with my book (and my *dear) and say "heck you" to the world.

This is of course, just recuperation. Come next semester, I'll be my old, *gung-ho me again. Just a whole lot *feistier. The *newer-and-improved version approved and endorsed by me. Then, it would just be me and my priorities, no one else's.

"feeling this good doesn't happen often"

2005-05-04T07:57:00.000+09:00

"feeling this good doesn't happen often"

Aries: The stars have assembled a lovely planetary package for you -- the kind that makes for passion, romance and permanence... Feeling this good doesn't happen often.

Of course, *Gallant has much to do with this.

We chatted last night, a little bit more about 'permanence' (horoscope unknown then) and we predicted "a pretty long while" for the both of us. To declare the uncertain future right now would be in vain, but I need not fret and waste such precious moments (made even more so because we have exams).

.::.

We can't quite put a finger on when we really started dating... so *Gallant and I will be going for our *first date soon after the exams.

.::.

More people around us now know about the new relationship and I'm fielding questions. Typical ones would be, understandably, "how did he ask?", "what was the nicest/sweetest thing he did?", and other questions like that.

The one that I really don't understand why and how they had the nerve (mere acquaintances) to ask was if we have kissed. Well, we haven't actually. =) Next thing, I suspect, will be people asking us if we're going to have our 2.5 kids. *grumble.

It is a very personal thing, I can't believe how *nosy people get here.

The One Dimensional Man & Society

2005-05-02T14:50:00.000+09:00

Marcuse's One Dimensional Man & Societies

Reading a critique for Herbert Marcuse's One-Dimensional Man: Studies in the Ideology of Advanced Industrial Society for Thursday's exam, I was frankly not too impressed by Marxist Marcuse's Marxist criticisms. Roughly, my preliminary readings basically tell me that society now consists of the One Dimensional Man (ODM) making up the One Dimensional Society (ODS) where people are contently alienated (Marcuse's Happy Consciousness) and revolutionary potentials fall short due largely to the capitalist/advanced industrial society's governmental successes.

Overall, it merely seems rhetorical and even cliché. Marcuse took Marx's ideas and upgraded them one tiny bit to make them his own. And for the lack of originality, the academic world hails him and his ODM theory.

Then, I came upon this and suddenly, Marcuse's theory suddenly made profound sense to me:

Interviewer: Can one be happy in Singapore. Are you happy living in Singapore?

Alfian Sa'at: Of course it's possible to be happy living in Singapore. If you're Chinese, middle-class, have the right political connections (such that in the army you can be given the position of a 'white horse', exempting you from the kinds of treatment dished out to the children of the hoi polloi, or that you can get into certain elite schools despite not making the academic cut), can afford a maid, have a car, a country club membership, Singapore is for you.

Once in a while you can convince yourself that charity means sending a cheque to the Community Chest, and that poor people in Singapore bring it upon themselves because they're too lazy to take advantage of a flawlessly-oiled meritocratic system. With any luck, you could insulate yourself from the fact that donation isn't the same thing as volunteerism, and that most of Singapore's poor are actually daily-rated workers, who do more work in one day sweeping roads or shoveling dirt than you have ever done in your entire life. Your inter-racial interactions might include grunting a greeting to your Malay chauffeur or taking the change from the female Indian attendant operating the car park payment booth. And you'd be happy, if you equate ignorance with happiness.

I'm not truly happy of course, because as that multiple-choice-question option goes, I'm 'none of the above'.

*** Alfian Sa'at is a Singaporean Poet. I'm reading his 'Singapore You Are Not My Country' for my course.***

I'm not jeering at Singapore, of course (although frankly, it seems to me that most Singaporeans feel *happy or try to be *happy, ala Singapore). I suppose this happens everywhere... to my dismay.

life remains a constant, with some exceptions

2005-05-02T06:29:00.000+09:00

life remains a constant, with some exceptions

I must admit that I am still not used to the fact that my deepest feelings for *Gallant is made known and reciprocated by the other. Especially during the times apart, I wonder if I just have an over-active imagination and we are still dating, or that I'm in a long running dream and will wake to reality any moment. Reality, so far, has been bad experiences with men - the non-committal and cheating variety.

Thankfully, the assurance is felt with each time I reach over for his strong hand (which btw, still sends *flitter fluttery gibes from the fingers down the spine) and I know I am one darn lucky girl.

For, dear friends and blog readers, I don't know of any other guy who cares as much and through his actions (and very *corny lines, *grin) make me feel as if I am his one and only priority. In fact, *Gallant has been able to keep up with this said "emotionally high maintenance" *damsel...

... and more.

For those who used to always caution me that I have set standards for my *dream guy far too high, I bid you: "Pbbbbtttttthhhhhh....!" =)

.::.

*Gallant told me that his friends would like to arrange for a drink session to meet me and *golly-gosh am I getting nervous. Most likely, it is going to be a group of eight. As delightful and wonderful in personality and humour as they reportedly be, scrutiny of their friend's new girl is inevitable. *Hmphf... just wait till I get him home and my friends can do the same to him, yes? =)

But this process of meeting his friends (and vice versa) is one such new experience. Both of us, being members of the student council and having already a considerable pool of friends and acquaintances in the university walking around, even without being hand-in-hand, has soooo many people giving us the *nudge *nudge *wink *wink look.

It is to an extent that it is getting humourous and I start to wonder if no one ever saw a couple in their lives!

.::.

Sharing a few of the sweetest things *Gallant said/done:

Knowing how important it is for my guy to keep me *mentally stimulated, he borrowed some of my books to read (most important: the Little Prince). This semester holiday, we will be reading Plato's Republic together (I will most likely be doing an Independent Study Module on the subject). FYI, *Gallant's a life science major but from the University Scholar's Programme.

"Everytime we go for dinners together, I always try to pull out your chair for you but you never let me." But dearest, I thought no one does that anymore! *Hee... I shall remain standing the next date, kay?

"From that moment on, all I wanted to do was to protect you. I never want to see you looking sad again." - when he helped me with one of my projects and I had a major problem. After trying to solve the matter, he walked me back to our dormitory.

"What do you mean "too soon"? I've been feeling this way for seven months!"

Preparing and cooking dinner for me. *Gallant bought, killed and cooked a live fish. He was reportedly proud to have gone to the hypermarket, *Giant, and done his grocery shopping for the day.

"I have all I want from you: you." - I inquired his *demands of me, after declaring my do's and don'ts. *Dang I feel bad now!

"My God, you look beautiful this way." - me, falling asleep in his arms.

.::.

There was one painful moment though, when I told him briefly about my past with ex-boyfriends and guys I used to date.

I always thought that dating widely gives one a better perspective on men as we can decide on the type of men we truly desire and (through experience) weed out those who are only keen to get under our skirts. Apparently, I might have gone overboard with my experimentations. My dearest was squirmish as I named one guy after another. And I only told him about the ex-es and the guys I dated this semester. I have not even begun on the others (although I now have no intention to do that).

Nonetheless, he was supportive and held my hand tight as I *shamefully reveal the men of past. But this was a necessary confession, for me, to welcome him into my future.

blogger's block

2005-05-01T13:26:00.000+09:00

blogger's block

... or is it just a case of being in a *daze, consequence of giving one's heart away?

Frankly, I would really like to blog about the details of how, when, why, where and who (well, who we already know!) but I somehow am in a loss for (blogging) words lately. Call it another season of blogger's block, I suppose.

Aside the symptoms of blushing, smiling, yearning and the other lovey dovey *stuff, the *doctors are happy to confirm that the *damsel is still doing alright and will be concentrating hard for her exams (first and foremost priority, kay). So, I should be spending time studying, studying, studying...

And *gallant has been kind and understanding, giving me space for my studies whenever I want... that is, he said, until after the exams. =)

wretchedly romantical

2005-04-29T18:57:00.000+09:00

wretchedly romantical

After a long night of cuddling by the lake, I sad-heartedly *shooed *gallant away so that I can study this afternoon. But what is the point even if he is not physically here, fondest thoughts of him remain and I constantly catch myself smiling.

*Ack. Must study. Five minutes of him and then no more! Well... not during this hour, at least. =)

*Hee... okay, no more blog posts like this. I'll bet your hairs are all standing on its goosepimply ends.

said the gallant knight to the damsel, would you be mine? Quoth the damsel to her gallant knight, yes.

2005-04-29T07:53:00.000+09:00

Said the *gallant knight to the *damsel, would you be mine? Quoth the *damsel to her knight, yes.

*Tee hee, but not without a whole lot of *drama. I'm one very happy girl this morning.

Hopelessly stupid. Grotesquely fat. Have irreversible eyebags.

2005-04-27T12:28:00.000+09:00

hopelessly stupid. grotesquely fat. have irreversible eyebags.

Oh, don't worry about me. I'm just whiney right now, right after a bad paper. I just pity *Em whom I will be going out to Ikea with shortly.

Retail therapy is always good. I'm going to buy me some floor cushions to sit on and study (for my last paper this semester) and a new teacup and saucer (What? Your cup is without the saucer, you say? How Neanderthal-like of you. *tsk).

stupid. fat. have new pimple.

2005-04-26T20:59:00.000+09:00

stupid. fat. have new pimple.

a deliberate break

2005-04-25T19:27:00.000+09:00

deliberately taking a break

I'm waiting for the sun to come down a little bit more and then I'm taking a *luxurious walk to Kent Ridge park to visit the turtles. Perhaps I'd buy some bread and feed them today.

I'm feeling rather relaxed now, having done two papers. There's another this Wednesday but I'll get to work as soon as I get back. After all, I did sleep the whole afternoon.

*Sigh, nothing like the examination period to make you appreciate the non-examination times.

And nothing like the stress from studies, the Union and other life's mumbo jumbo to get you to appreciate doing nothing at all. Next semester, I think it is time I slow down the pace. Spend more time doing me things, you know, like more quality time with my friends, reading books that are non-examinable, visit art galleries and watch more theatre. Goodness knows doing that is a luxury on time, lately.

Machiavellian problems of the internal? Call 1800-moral-relativism

2005-04-24T15:20:00.000+09:00

Machiavellian dilemmas? Call 1800-moral-relativism

This is weird... I'm having exams tomorrow but I'm on a strange kinda *high. Maybe too much caffeine in the blood system, but I'm thinking because I might finally have a solution to my internalized Machiavellian dilemma.

You see, I've never really been able to justify the fact that I do recognize that politics revolve around the need to bend moral laws and immoral political actors exist to our dismay. You know, to "establish and preserve the state", etc. That was the Machiavellian parody. Yet, I find it difficult to accept as morality should be the beacon of light for us, the ever erroneous (although generally with good intent) human beings.

And it was even more difficult to swallow as a student leader and having more than once to have to do things against my personal moral norms. I take these things very seriously, really.

Anyway, finally being able to do this chapter's readings (*grin, talk about last minute), the answer is moral relativism. It was under my nose all the time! This wasn't the first time I came across the topic. I have no idea why I never saw it as the answer to the moral uniqueness of the political leaders versus the individual.

I'll blog more about it after exams. In the meantime, back to readings and keep your fingers crossed for my exams tomorrow morning! *Eep.

Oh yes, and good luck too for the rest of you taking exams and my Ethics classmate, *Viv. Don't worry... I'll be right there too for our dreaded exam tomorrow (although my suspicions say that it will be you comforting me more than I for you. *hee).

"we were falling in love"

2005-04-24T11:02:00.000+09:00

"we were falling in love"

Took a five minute break and turned on the telly to catch the ending of 7th Heaven.

This couple shared their first kisses when they were suddenly interrupted. After dealing with the intruder, the girl said: "Now, where were we..."

Typically, the liner you'd get from over-produced drama serials such as these were along the lines of picking up the make-out session they just had. Instead, the guy said:

"... we were falling in love."

That's a good one. *Sigh, now back to communitarianism, liberalism and some irritating philosopher wanna-be Michael Sandel.

the blur and blurer *damsel

2005-04-23T20:44:00.000+09:00

the blur and blurer *damsel, trapped by the *Faux

It was just to be an extra hour or two after the papers, but this very tired examination taking *Damsel slept all the way until the late evening (I cave into sleeping remembering the final advice *Delia gave which was that sleep should never be compromised).

Then, this very persistent lady I knew from the NUSSU calendar project, *Faux, called and invited me to her latest Japanese Orchestra concert. Well, free tickets are nice but she expects me there too, to write an article ("No, no... I won't have anyone else do it other than the editor-in-chief herself") as well as mingle with some 20 odd celebrity names she dropped on me. *Yawn. Really, I'm not this type of person. You need to give me politicians! Handsome British ones, if possible. *Grin.

Then, in my daze, she got me to be on the welcoming committee for her VIP guests.

Then, she ever-so-quickly got me on her next project as the press secretary. Blur me only heard the words: work with me... press secretary... write media releases... will be in the next Singapore Chingay... parties...

Well, *Faux is one woman that you can't quite say 'no' to. She claims to be one of the top PR people in Singapore and drops at least an illustrious name in each and every one of her pretentious sentences.

Frankly, I don't like her too much (well, *duh) but I guess I have already gotten myself into this and should try best to learn from her as well. I've not signed on to anything yet and I guess it is only fair that she explains more to me before I agree to work for her.

If any working relationship comes out of this, it will definitely be *interesting. Over a very long, unavoidable personal tea session with her the last time, she told me that I would be someone she could work and teach (don't quite know if I should be honored or offended). Also, she offered much advice as to how a female should work in this "male dominated world":

"Never leave the house if you're not looking your best. Especially if you are working with men. Our appearance is key to equalizing the inequalities of the working world," purred the DKNY clad *Faux.

"The art of flirting is that you need to tease, but at the same time pull away right before he thinks you are his. Of course, I don't recommend that you get involved with the male CEOs you are negotiating with... (or was she going to add "unless he is the marrying material?)"

And many, many more *gems of *advice from the biscotti munching and latté sipping *Faux. She finds me quite *interesting, I believe, and finds potential in me (hopefully not interpreted by *Faux to mean PR/flirt). She was dangerously sounding like a mama san. Her final advice?

"Get more sleep to get rid of your eye bags, dearrr (she *purrs at this point), you must make sure you don't gain any more weight, okay?"

*grooowl.

Delia

2005-04-23T12:43:00.000+09:00

being exactly like *Delia

I will admit, that on one occasion or another I might have said that I wish I was more like mister or miss so and so but never exactly like any one person. Until that is, I met *Delia.

Now, this *Damsel might be one with one too many inferiority complexes about her but to lower her high standards? - never, as goals and ideals are after all meant to be placed sky high. A goal and ideal only to be *plucked by the worthy goddesses, I might add. But to meet this very simple girl, *Delia, and be awed by her most basic of characters leaves me quite astonished and amazed.

For *Delia has the kindest smile and she never seems to be anywhere without her smile. And it isn't just plastered on her face as she offers it to the people she knows and always will have it reciprocated.

She has the sweetest persona that despite being in a political science class can even say anything horrible and still have an angel's halo over her. And in a class mostly of indifferent, kiasu and cold seniors, *Delia stands out, to me, simply because she smiles when she sees the shy, timid junior - me.

Also, isn't it an amazement that for a girl to be amongst the smartest in her class (if not the most) she has an air of humbleness unmatched. You can sing her praises and she can so gracefully accept with an offer of kind words in return.

And so, I would very much like to be exactly like the *Delia I see. Unpretentious, kind, gentle, intelligent, sweet... and practically saintly.

*Devilzpagan, I hope I'm not catching any of your Anna-adore symptoms here! And if *Delia ever catches sight of this, I don't know where to hide myself!

counting backwards, from 10

2005-04-22T12:32:00.000+09:00

counting backwards, from 10

I have been reading and *reading lately (of course, as a typical NUS student, one can always do more). I've been hiding away either in my room or the medical library. The med library is always a nice alternative. The place is relatively not as crowded compared to the other libraries and you can catch an occational *cutie doctor-to-be around (one held the door for me the other day and smiled... if only I had been more daring and smiled widely back or ask him for a drink... *grin...).

Yeah, yeah... I go there to study! Been there the other day with *Bright-eyed and we ended up at the nearby hospital to look for newborn babies at the maternity ward...

Really, I don't understand why I always put up such a fuss and mental torture on myself right before exams. I can't say that I am prepared right now for academia *doomsday (read: exams) but really, why so much fuss? Everyone goes through exams too and they don't look as fussed up and *panicked like me.

*breathe*

10... 9... 8...

This morning started nicely. I allowed myself to sleep past the alarm clock a little and was treated to the sight of the *yummiest man alive this morning when I visited Fongky's blog this morning... the delectable Jude Law.

You can listen to Damien Rice's Blower's Daughter too and get many scrumptious glances of Jude Law.

7... 6... 5...

My blossoming friendship with a certain *gallant gentleman has been wonderful. I don't know whether he sensed I needed the alone time for my exams or really if it is he who needs it, but I've been hearing less from him lately.

And just when paranoia started to come back in tiny *whiffs of *evil suspicions that he would be just like the rest and got bored of me so quickly (granted I go *weird during exams)... he sent me an email wishing me good luck and that he would "catch up soon". Most endearingly, he told me to "write from the heart" and all should be fine. Frankly, I couldn't have told me better advice.

4... 3... 2...

I've not been getting enough sleep lately. It does really feel like nothing is going in but heys, I need to be a little more confident than that, right?

But I can't forget the pressure... I must not fail, I must not falter... I have parents who are result oriented and NEVER have I seemed to be able to please. =( And what the *&^$$&% am I doing now? BLOGGING???!!!

1.

My Asian States & Society Paper is tomorrow morning.

days till my last paper

2005-04-21T23:55:00.000+09:00

days till my last paper

fifteen

First paper is this Saturday morning. I'm a nervous wreck.

Project: Living it Up in Singapore

2005-04-19T20:20:00.000+09:00

Project: Living it Up in Singapore

My Politics and Popular Culture Project, here.

if I were not who I am

2005-04-19T18:26:00.000+09:00

if I were not who I am

Know I am suppose to be studying but I couldn't resist!

if I were a fruit I would be:
a dragonfruit

if I were a month I would be:
March

I were a day of the week I would be:
Tuesday

if I were a time of day I would be:
midnight

if I were a planet I would be:
Pluto

if I were a sea animal I would be:
a seahorse

if I were a direction I would be:
a crossroad

if I were a piece of furniture I would be:
a windchime

if I were a sin I would be:
lust

if I were a liquid I would be:
wine

if I were a tree I would be:
a weeping willow

if I were a flower/plant I would be:
a white orchid

if I were a kind of weather I would be:
spring

if I were a musical instrument I would be:
a viola

if I were an animal I would be:
a panther

if I were a color I would be:
maroon

if I were a vegetable I would be:
a tomato

if I were a sound I would be:
giggles

if I were a song I would be:
one of the romantic musicals

if I were a book I would be written by:
Oscar Wilde

if I were a food I would be:
a tiramisu

if I were a place I would be:
a cottage garden

if I were a material I would be:
glass

if I were a taste I would be:
bittersweet

if I were a scent I would be:
salty sea water

if I were a word I would be:
*damsel

if I were a facial expression I would be:
confusion

if I were a cartoon character I would be:
the cat amoréd by Pepe Lé Peu

if I were a number I would be:
2

Okay... I think it just got too long and will stop here for now. Back to my readings!

a quickie, happy post update

2005-04-19T17:36:00.000+09:00

a quickie, happy post update

Firstly, I know I have a few new readers so this is what you might need to know about my blog posts that sometimes go missing.

Secondly, I am temporarily no longer the nocturnal being I used to be. My exam papers are (*groan) at 9.00am and I have to give up this night *lifestyle of mine to pursue these academic, examination demands. Nonetheless, I must say that I am *happier. Perhaps the sun does that to people.

Furthermore, when I went to the management office at 9.30 this morning to request to be added on the waiting list for storage space, the officer decided to be extra nice and gave me the space without needing to go through the waiting list. *grin.

And then, I get an email from *German Guy. Yale wants him (semi-scholarship) and he might be going there to do his pHD in philosophy. *Sigh, I'm going *green with envy but of course, very happy for him. I guess he will not be keeping his *promise to come back to Singapore any time soon. =(

Most amusing, I can't get over the fact that a German guy is wishing me jia you (Chinese for 'good luck, you can do it!').

Amidst all, I still am in a worry about my impending exams and lately, the phone is ringing asking about poster duties (*grumble *grumble). I seem to be collapsing weeks of the difficult syllabus into a short span of time. Nonetheless, spirits must be kept high. After all, I can't turn back time and I have a whole future to look forward to (so I best not screw this up!).

blissfully yours,
*Damsel

sago *perfection!

2005-04-17T17:53:00.000+09:00

sago *perfection!

I'm making dessert for tonight's dinner, a green bean and sago soup. And for the first time ever, my sago came out perfect. Unclumped, translucent and yummy.

In the past, cooking sago (though a favourite of mine) always made the soup murky and the sago was sticky. Today, I tried something different. The secret is that you boil the sago separately. After cooking, rinse immediately in cold water to stop the cooking process.

*Grin. Thanks, mom, for the tip. =)

~ * ~

*Damsel's Green Bean & Sago Sweet Soup

Soak two handful of green beans in water for three hours to soften the beans and shorten the cooking process. The water should be changed every hour (I don't know why, but it seems like a hygienic thing to do).

Put green beans into the slow cooker with four knotted pandan leaves. Add hot water, three times the volume of the green beans. The cooking process should take four hours. In the meantime, prepare the sago.

One hour before serving, add rock sugar to taste.

Before serving, add pre-made sago and enjoy.

~ * ~

*Em and I discussed the preference for the clear soup green bean as opposed to this version where the water is a (pretty) cloudy green. I guess if that is your preference, you can scoop out the green beans and prepare syrup with lots of pandan leaves. As for me and *Em, we prefer this (more nutrients in tact).

*Ah, I hope my dessert does not go unappreciated by my dinner companion tonight. *Wink.

5 minute meditation on 'heaven and hell'

2005-04-16T21:30:00.000+09:00

five minute meditation on 'heaven and hell'

As usual, the mind wanders when I am suppose to be concentrating on my readings. But Walzer makes so much reference to war as hell and those who "go to hell" are deserving of the wrath and punishment of the fiery realm (as opposed to soldiers who self will to go to wars, but anyway)

I wonder then: what is the determining factor or scale of entry to heaven or hell? Is it that you have to go the extra mile in terms of good deeds and prayers for entry through the Pearly Gates? Or is it the extra lies, sin and malice that gets you into inferno? In other words, where does the common, morally neutral man go?

temporarily, I became Narcissus

2005-04-15T23:54:00.000+09:00

temporarily, I became Narcissus

Honest to goodness, I just wanted to show you how my *wall-o'-love was nicely filling up with your birthday cards and well wishes. I enjoyed recieving them and they remind me dearly of you.

But... since I already had the camera on and was dreading to go study... =)

And you always complain that I never take pictures...

Alrighty, now... back to reading Walzer.

this bittersweet life

2005-04-14T18:40:00.000+09:00

this bittersweet life

I didn't do too well for all three of my essays today. Re-reading them now is a painful torture and I can't imagine what *disgust must be going through my lecturers' heads when they read the pieces. I guess I was trying too hard to impress them and through the lack of time, my *grand plans backfired badly.

And for three bad essays, I received two bad grades and one *aye minus. I guess I can confidently say that one of my lecturers in particular really likes me.

*Sigh... Bad essays = bad impression on lecturers. Worse still, an achy heart because my essays mean a lot to me. I spent much time and effort on them.

Well, there are reasons to smile lately...

Like a long walk in the park with company you can just feel cozy with and conversations that misconstrue the sense of time as it flies by when you're just chatting away. Somehow, despite the starless and breezeless night that constitute not the typical harlequin romance novel backdrop, you're waltzing on a cloud. *Sigh, I wonder if he knows that he has me in such a spell?

Yet, there's fear of hurt. He tugs at the heart but common sense guards the brain.

And then there are exams. That brings me back to reality. (and *ouch the horrible papers!)

more blog games

2005-04-14T10:17:00.000+09:00

Friendship comes in a cuddly wuddly cutesy bundle

current topic: friendship

next topic: cuddly wuddly cuteness

a taste of the cumulative-average-point reality

2005-04-13T19:42:00.000+09:00

a taste of the cumulative-average-point reality

I've gotten a jolt of realization that my university grading system, the CAP, is in a very dangerous position.

If I don't start really working now, I could drop an entire graduating class level.

*panics*

IgottastudyNOW

cookie monster on a diet!

2005-04-13T16:28:00.000+09:00

Cookie Monster on a Low Cookie Diet!

Something must be wrong in the land of the Muppets. How can Sesame Street put dear ol' Cookie Monster on a Low Cookie Diet? =(

It has to do with the rising number of obesity amongst children in America. I hate it when policy making messes with childhood. The government need not control the food that my kids eat. I will know how, thankyouverymuch. Now, leave the Cookie Monster as he is, America. So much for being liberal.

I feel so sorry for the blue furry Cookie Monster. I'm going to have two M&S chocolate chip cookies to celebrate the wonderful memory of the old Cookie Monster, pre-diet and pre-over-politicising days.

Okay, back to studying John Rawls right now. Would like to have finish him and Nozick by tonight.

more blog games

2005-04-11T17:30:00.000+09:00

and the blog games continue

current topic: affirmation

next topic: betrayal

*Sheer's literary Games

2005-04-10T03:14:00.000+09:00

literary games, anyone?

Her Blogspace *Evilness, *Sheer has started a game (a frivolous one, said she). Basically, she starts a topic, and the next person can pick it up replying with a story, poem, haiku, etc. The second games person has to then come up (and end the literary piece) with a new topic for the next person to carry on.

*Sheer started the topic on absolute secrecy, followed by *Devilzpagan with her poem. She ended her topic with 'beauty' and it is my turn now to carry on.

If you're interested, do feel free to join the fun! Just let *Her Blogspace Evilness know about your posting. =)

Current topic: beauty

.::.

A page from the Secret Memoirs of Sleeping Beauty

I guess it is an irony for a maiden who slept for a 100 years to be now suffering from insomnia. Too many things were on my mind. I've just had a messy divorce with Prince *Charming as our two joined kingdoms have to be equitably divided. The peasants had formed new communities that we couldn't bear tearing apart. He told me that he was willing to do the dragon slaying bit (understood it was part of his job description) but didn't anticipate the three fairy Godmothers would be such horrible (*god) in laws. For one, they kept changing the colour of our furniture and always insisted on cooking for us (without the use of magic wands, so you can guess how bad their dinners turned out to be for three constantly arguing, magic dependent fairies!).

But really, as a political figure (he is a Prince) who will naturally get media attention, going around making promises to other women from other Kingdoms is not a good idea. Fairytale Tattler carried pictures of him with Snow White and Cinderella! In fact, he was caught licking Cinderella's glass slipper. The pervert!

At least one thing came out of this: my new born daughter. Don't worry about things though... she is my current joy and meaning for life (and my ex-husband is paying through his nose for alimony).

But a new problem came with her happy birth: my curse.

You see, when the Queen (my mother) accepted the fairy wishes bestowing the gift of immaculate beauty and exceptional song, we made the karmic system unbalanced. No mortal was to possess such unrivaled and unequal qualities and so my daughter has to now pay for my supposed good fortune.

However, my daughter is of royal blood hence the fates have decided that I instead should choose her punishment. They gave me two options:

Firstly, they could bestow upon her great beauty. All who gaze upon her shall be in awe with such spectacular form in a mere mortal. However, when daughter dear was to gaze at her reflection, visible to her would be a sight of great ugliness, disease and sorrow. And by the strike of fate's mighty powers, no one could reveal the truth of her beauty to her.

Upon the proclamation, I then shed tears and begged for her to be spared. I explained the emotional trauma of gazing at God's world made so beautiful only to see oneself as otherwise.

They offered me the other alternative: to give her the gift of self worth, if beauty be the source of judgment.

With the second alternative, she is to see the most beautiful self in her reflections. However, the true vision others see is the otherwise - of great ugliness, disease and sorrow.

I've consulted the fairy godmothers and everyone else I could for the matter to seek a counter spell like the one they found for me. Dear fates, be kinder on me and offer me a way out. If all fails, how is a mother to choose such unkind destinies for her child?

.::.

next topic: self worth

every bone aches!

2005-04-07T14:56:00.000+09:00

half dead / half sick / half blue

*moan. Am in a half dead - half sick - half blue condition right now. That's not the best condition to be. Have not been sleeping enough this past few days (two hour naps in the morning isn't enough) and not any sleep last night or tonight cause I'm so *last minute with my assignments and I am now suffering the consequences of it!

(So why 3/2? Cause I'm feeling fat right now.)

The *Visa - Mastercard / PAP - Democracy commercial for my Politics & Popular Culture module is ready. I don't have much claim to this project. But heck, I'm not one to be *noisy about things right now. Just glad it is done. Will link it soon (probably tomorrow) to give you a look-see.

Bones and muscles ache and eyes are heavy. My mind can't think straight (and I have a 5pm literature review due today on the Malaysian civil society!).

But every now and then, especially at my *lowest points, a *sweet text message comes my way, and I smile, then I get back to work.

excuse me, are you North Indian?

2005-04-05T19:49:00.000+09:00

"Excuse me, are you North Indian?"

An innocent *Damsel was waiting at the bus stop for her ride back to her four walls when confronted with the question by a lanky, young Indian gentleman with a wide grin on his face.

I shot him a quizzical look that seem to say (as politely as I may): Are you thinking alright here? Me? The obviously Chinese looking person (yet sometimes mistaken for a Malay, Japanese, Thai, Indonesian, Korean, etc... but never North Indian). Perhaps it was because I was particularly pale lately from the lack of going out and that I was wearing black. Perhaps also my lack of sleep and panda eye bags somehow made the eyes bigger (due to circumference of eyebags included).

"Well, you do look like this Bollywood actress..." he continued

Oh. So it was that kind of question.

Anyway, I answered my gentleman caller with a shrug and apologetic grin. Thankfully his far from believable lines came no more. But what is it with people and the questioning of my nationality lately?

the accusation

2005-04-04T23:57:00.000+09:00

said a Wolf to the *Damsel, and she in return

"[W]hy are you so singaporean in thought, conduct and flavour? i urge thee to turn from thy treason and repent good woman." - SrigalaShepiel

Dear *Wolf,

You caused much hurt with your singular, unreflected and biased comment. Sitting down to reply to your accusation, I first made a cup of *Grandfather Damsel's Penang Rose Tea (he sold these at 50 cents per box in his provision shop and the tea smells of home). Sipping hometown tea, I was prepared to tell you the many ways where I considered myself Malaysian (and wonder how you thought of me to be Singaporean) but I decided that wouldn't be much good.

Rather, I would like to consider Sartre's existentialist philosophy. You see, I am the person I am, made by the rules and values that I have decided for myself. I hope and choose to be the idealist, the romantic, the scholar and many other things. I share my true, though complicated sentiments in my blog yet I've been *reduced by you to being: Singaporean.

And it is not that I am adopting a stance against any one country. I would feel the same should you *reduce me as well to an American or an African.

Hmn... in fact, what is in a name? A rose by any other name would smell just as sweet? So, how do you classify a Singaporean, Malaysian or any other nationality?

Despite all statist labels, there is one that I do take on and attach it to the self governing values and traits: a Malaysian. The link for me and home are the memories of the places I have been and things that I have felt and tasted (yumm... Malaysian food...). Most importantly, the memory of the people whom I love. That gives me right to my label -- the connection I have established with the people.

And to some extent, my country. I do have aspirations to work for my government (I have an internship with one of the ministries in June, 2005) and I have worked for my local press. If possible, I do intend to go home and work after graduation.

So please, repent with your stereotypical ways instead, dear sir.

Yours truly,
*Damsel

p.s. What you said about my best friend Ee Ling on Dilettante's tag board wasn't very nice. *fume.

filling in for Miss Know-It-All

2005-04-03T23:26:00.000+09:00

filling in for Miss Know-It-All

My columnist for hooked's Miss Know-It-All section didn't quite get the angle I wanted on the scandal on the NUS lecture theatre romances. I think the way she wrote it will bring more hurt/harm than good. *Sigh. I think I need to get into this and write the story instead... or do some major editting, that is.

Double *sigh. I never thought I'd be reduced to writing an aunt agony column.

renewal of vows

2005-04-03T22:35:00.000+09:00

a renewal of vows:

a *Damsel's pledge of studying insanity

I hereby solemnly *swear to go into assignment and exam hypermode. Its about time I kick into that *scary gear again. Exams are a month away and I'm still working on assignments.So, four hour sleep nights, no fun days and haggard looking face - here I come.

hear ye, hear ye

2005-04-03T22:14:00.000+09:00

hear ye, hear ye

Go visit my new blog friend, *devilzpagan.

it happened just yesterday

2005-04-03T13:44:00.000+09:00

it happened just yesterday

Here's a few random thoughts from yesterday, worthy of personal remembrance:

I've been in contact with the Singapore Management University's Bash team. Nothing too interesting to *report there but take a peek at their promotional website. Very nicely done... best non-commercial website I've seen yet, and done by students for that fact of matter. I wonder if there are a few talents or tips I can steal over for my very own twentyfive promo website.

For the uninitiated, twentyfive is a commemorative union book I am working on. Its going to be very classy/provoking/elegant/sensational coffee-table, picture-esque book that will have people talking and racing to place online orders and camp overnight at bookstores to get.

*Grin. Well, my promo website should be ready in about three months (as well as the research and layout). Will let you know then.

.::.

It somehow happened that *Gallant was to join me for my late night walk yesterday. Initially, it started off as something I happened to mention and something he happened to have time to join me for. In other words, this anti-social *Damsel had made an *accidental invitation or either the other company had *accidentally invited himself. Don't get me wrong, *Gallant's company I've always enjoyed and appreciated, but my walks are mostly solitary as I use it to contemplate and reflect upon essay assignments (yes, the nerd in me) and about the things I do. If Descartes has his meditations, I have my walks.

Nonetheless, it was late. He would make my walk feel more secure and fill it with chatter -- and he did. We started at eleven and the walk lasted for an hour around the campus. He then came over for sandwiches and we chatted again until 5 am.

I didn't know I had so many *words in me to fill a fantastic, six hour conversation. We didn't even notice the time fly by.

.::.

I do know I have my assignment papers and exams around the corner. I just didn't expect to be chatting the night away. The good thing is, my literature review is on the civil society in Malaysia and I can relate it to my Falun Gong exposé article when I was interning with the local tabloid . It is regarding how the Malaysian Registrar of Socieities are so strict with the approvals. While they keep societies such as Falun Gong away, they hinder also groups such as Amnesty International. The more *idiotic part of it was that Falun Gong then turned to the Registrar of Businesses, and got themselves, a non-profit (and goodness knows their agenda) organisation registered under their original name.

In my literature review, I will hope to shed more light on the contradictions the system makes, and when they err, it is too the side of *bad. But something still feels not quite complete... need to read up more first...

Then there is also my Politics & Popular Culture project. *Sheer, I hate to say this but, "My project mates are *bullying me!". Seriously, just because the three of them are good friends and meet ever so often, doesn't mean that they should go ahead and have meetings as and when they so coincidentally meet. I didn't have a chance to input my ideas at all and they have declared the topic already. *Hmpf.

.::.

The other wisdom tooth that I am suppose to remove? Well, its not hurting yet so why not leave it alone? I'm cancelling my dentist appointment for tomorrow.

.::.

I've been stealing a minute or two from here and there to read the chapters of the Sandman. Beautiful story indeed. I'm at the part where this she-fox was trying to save the life of the monk she loves. A great fox advised her: "He is only a human. While you are a fox. These things rarely end happily". But she persisted.

I'm only one third into the book. I'm rooting that she ends up with the celibate monk.

in six hours

2005-04-02T17:38:00.000+09:00

I've been awake for six hours and what did I do?

- read yesterday's newspaper (cause I didn't have today's nor did I read yesterday's)
- inhaled an article I was suppose to read for my literature review

Well, at least I had a nice one-hour lunch with *Em.

Here's to a better rest of the day.

a book for leisure

2005-04-02T02:53:00.000+09:00

more birthday bounty

This lucky *Damsel is still getting presents waaaay after her birthday.

She shall be tucking in very soon into her goose-feather pillow bed (*Fongky and *Jules's gift from last year) with a brand new book. [morning update: she didn't get to tuck in so soon... there was work to do...]

Thoughtful *puppy has given me Neil Gaiman's the Sandman!

I never mentioned it to anyone or him, but this is a book I am looking for and was anticipating to read. Have to give him *brownie points for this one...

He also gave me George Orwell's Animal Farm... but I have that already, well...

And *sigh, the birthday bounty is very good this year. I've never been much of a gift receiver(yeah, I'm a weird one).

Perhaps it was also that I keep getting aromatheraphy pots or burners (and a few of you who read the blog are guilty of that, but heys, I know it is the thought counts?) =)

*worship at Temple Haach

2005-03-31T16:10:00.000+09:00

Goddess *worship at Temple Haach

Goddess *Sheer,

Our afternoon of pampering and luxury awaits us at Temple Haach, Mount Singapura. The *worshippers have chosen the auspicious ninth day of the fourth moon, three hours past the sun's highest point. Unfortunately, the incompetent *high Priestess could not have secured the desired location of Mount Harbour, where the fountain waters run sweetest. We shall have to demand a few sacrificial lambs for her folly.

Munificently yours,
Deity *Starry

ho hum *yawn morning update

2005-03-31T07:59:00.000+09:00

ho hum (*yawn) morning update

A third of an essay done and the rest to finish by Friday morning

No sleep since my six hour bedtime on Wednesday

Had a 3.15 am instant noodle break and gossip with *bright-eye

States and Asian Societies lecture to go to at 9.30am

Sore shoulders and tired, uninspired mind

Fretting about the meetings, research work, and two other assignments to fit into the next week

And Britney Spears is apparently pregnant now.

But the actual *scandal is right here, in NUS. In mid lecture, a Mathematics Professor helped a lovestruck student screen his declaration of love to a girl from the class. While she accepted his flowers in plain view as a token of his message, behind the scenes she turned him down. All this was recorded on webcast, our university's video system that could be accessed by any NUS student. And so the whole school looked on and spread the story onto the rest of the island state. I'd be surprised if you are in a tertiary institution in Singapore and have not heard of this.

Initially, hooked (my more *tabloid-like publication) and I immediately got on the case and tried to contact the guy & girl, and the professor involved. We wanted a gossipy scope on the matter. Think: romance in the lecture theatre... How he was madly in love with her... How she secretly wanted him to tell her his feelings but never expected this... you know, that kind of story. *Grin.

Having learnt more now through her blog (one of my editors quickly learnt the skills of snooping through google and emailed me her link) we feel very sorry for her plight and will not be going with the original story line we intended.

(After some contemplation) Here is the link. I think I have a farely low, irrelevant traffic here and you are my closest friends, so...

The poor girl was openly talked about, stared at and scrutinized, had people want to take pictures of her and old friends she never heard from in years suddenly say hello to her again in want of more information. She was on chat boards, emails and discussions! And strangely enough, the guy wasn't really talked about.

Naturally, this girl is angry (and she doesn't even like the guy) and is contemplating suing the professor. *Sigh. I want to offer her the option of clarifying her side of the story on NUSSU Publications, if only she would let me.

pineapple and ham baked cheese pasta... yum!

2005-03-31T03:19:00.000+09:00

pineapple and ham baked cheese pasta... yum!

At wee hours this early morning, I suddenly crave NYDC's above mentioned delight. *Em, we must go for a very short break in between my assignment papers, please?

I *lifted the following picture from fellow acquaintance *Delerium's blog:

... or, give me one of these:

It's my favorite pastry, a delectable vanilla twist with chocolate chips from some unpronounceable, *hoity-toity Swiss Gourmet bakery. The texture is melt-in-your-mouth heaven!

Well, at least it was back in KL. Here, you can find it at every Cold Storage. *Sigh. But still a pleasure of mine.

hungry hungry hungry!

because I'm feeling blue

2005-03-30T21:04:00.000+09:00

because I'm feeling blue

*HUGS* TOTAL!

click here to give the *Damsel a couple of *HUGS*
(and get hugs of your own)

bad, bad blogger.com!

2005-03-30T03:13:00.000+09:00

bad, bad blogger.com!

Today, blogger.com ate up two of my entries! And they were on separate thoughts! I had so much fun writing them too!

So, if I happen to have extremist, blogging fans out there, you know which certain blogging company to spam your complains too.

*heh. My *anger has turned me delusional.

a paper on Singapore Idol and Singapore

2005-03-29T13:48:00.000+09:00

a paper on Singapore Idol and Singapore

I will most likely be pursuing the following for my (Singaporean) Politics & Popular Culture term paper:

Singapore Idol is actually a form of counter-propaganda, contrary to the popular opinion that it echoes the sentiments of the Singaporean government.

I will highlight the aspects of this West born reality television phenomenon and the influence the show and the contestants have, regardless if it is contrary to government stance. Public morality shifts, as the status quo government / Confucius / MM Lee morality gets subverted and tattoos (on female, nonetheless), band aids and rumors, etc, gain dominance in the (mundane) lives and generates excitement, never before seen.

However, this form of counter propaganda might only exist on the surface level.

The test of success of Singapore Idol as a form of counter-propaganda is to see who wins. Taufik won and Sylvester lost. Hence, as counter-propaganda, it wasn't entirely successful.

My explanation can be found here. I thought that Sylvester was a favorite but mass (and governmental) norms prevailed so Taufik won.

This also gives me a chance to talk about the democratic participation and what constitutes Singaporean collective decision on 'excellence'. According to international press, the numbers were not revealed and organisers explained that it was so that the contestants do not get disheartened (a first time for me, that reality television cares about its contestants). Anyway, I have proof that the numbers are miserable. I will try to relate that to general (global) election standards.

Why wasn't it entirely successful? Well, these norms have been deeply ingrained and it will take more than one season to see the change. But this explanation still does not satisfy me and more research is necessary.

Wish me luck!

:::

This *Damsel is very much distressed right now. She hopes the reader will be at least convinced, or intrigued at the possibility of her essay's thesis. When she last went to see the rest of the world (getting out of the room to buy lunch, rather than another meal of plain porridge or instant noodles), her friends, who have not seen her for a while (unkindly) commented that she has lost too much weight (hmmn...) and is looking very pale and haggard.

you're politically correct / aware / supportive / etc... yeah, right

2005-03-28T18:50:00.000+09:00

you're politically correct / aware / supportive / etc? ... yeah, right

And when the *Damsel starts b*tching, it goes on for a while.

I was in the midst of doing my research for my political paper on Singapore Idol (don't let me get started on this one... I really hate the fact I have to write on Singapore culture, which is very alien to me) when I came across another Singapore *culture:

Band Aids.

You know, like the bright yellow Lance Armstrong Foundation's Live Strong ones. Oh, they're VERY popular here... along with the red and white ones for abstinence, the pink for breast cancer, the green and blue for vision... There's a whole *rainbow of wristbands out there.

Apparently, one of the Singapore Idol finalist wore the yellow one during one of her performances and that sparked the trend.

Of course, to those of you reading this and wearing one: no worries, I'm not referring to you... I'm sure you're wearing them for the right reasons. I hope you are.

But I'm really just *cheezed at the madness of it all. The way yahoo.auctions (Singapore's answer to eBay) is selling them at crazy prices and how we are wearing these to make *statements. Fashion statements that is.

Most wear morality on their sleeves (literally, if you're wearing a long sleeve, that is) but nothing in the heart. Oh, this capitalist, culture lackluster society is *killing me. And I'm going to pick on *you.

During dinner, he proudly showed me the white and black bands he wore. *You told me that he was appalled at the treatment of the African Americans and stood on his soapbox for me.

(He also told me that he got his mother, living overseas, to send him as many as she can get and he sells them for $40 a pair). His profits are not going to charity, which they were meant to go to.

Barely ten minutes later, we were having a discussion of races and some politically related talks about state relations. He then told me about his *disgust for the PRCs and other non-Singaporean, Asian states people. With examples included.

Sure, he admits that second class races exist (although he puts it in a much nicer way) and he shares the sentiments. I then glanced at his black and white proclaiment on his hands and asked about them, and if he understands that the races in America must be treated equal, why not the races in Singapore (to be foreigner tolerant and not limited to the Caucasian type)? He says it is different but could not explain.

Public morality apparently is a bigoted, narrow expression.

The Oriental *Damsel will return to her regularly "human beings are rational" and "human nature is kind" beliefs after throwing a few more PMS-without-the-M tantrums.

fuming over research

2005-03-28T18:10:00.000+09:00

fuming over research

I'm in a VERY pissed off mood right now. I've been given more work by a man, a professor nonetheless who I now loathe and deem to be of extremely immoral, unethical educational standards to pass off mine and *saintly's (another research assistant) as his.

I am also VERY tempted to reply to his email with extreme sarcasm, that requests for me to prepare his presentation and even outline his speech. The nerve of this snake!

It will read: Dear Professor *Snake. It is YOUR book and YOUR talk. You go do YOUR work.

And I have not even been paid in full yet.

things I do for the union

2005-03-28T04:26:00.000+09:00

things I do for the union

Come back from a long (but wonderful!) evening of a movie, dinner, long walks and song...

In my highest heels so my feet (and I) are tired...

Ready to do my soon due essay...

... but had to go for a union related meeting that had just ended at 3.15am.

*crikey

But I have learnt (and will declare) something: No longer will I be nice. Time to be Machiavellian in this *dang student organisation full of saps.

only in Singapore, gays *run free in musicals but not visual art

2005-03-27T03:57:00.000+09:00

only in Singapore, gays *run free in the theatre (and the civil service) but not visual art

A very recent, undisclosed report has shared with us that they had to cancel a visual art performance by Los Angeles-based Christian gay artists Jason and deMarco (don't know who they are or how the concept of 'gay and Christian visual art' works, but...).

Reasons cited were that Singapore is getting a hike in HIV cases and the government is voicing concern over gay sex.

And yet, the only plays they seem to have here are gay plays, and that's not banned. How does the mentality of the pigs (think George Orwell here, please) work?

"Maybe they (the government) need some shoving up their asses too, to loosen up".

See? This is when people get confused over their values and beliefs.

the bad side of knowing

2005-03-27T02:52:00.000+09:00

the bad side of knowing

Honest to goodness, I started out as the young girl with the belief that babies were delivered by storks. But I wasn't so downright naive as I had my own *theories: I knew mommies and daddies slept together (side by side) and then mommies get fat (just fat, no baby inside) and produce breast milk because they just need to get rid of the extra fat somehow and the stork is nature's way of sending them someone to love (and to drink up the milk).

I didn't know of intercourse. Not until my 13 years later when this high school friend told us about what two opposite sex people can do... or what a female can do with a cucumber (I am traumatized until today). Coupled with the laughing matter of how the *sluttiest girl in school had a carrot break in her, sex took on a disgusting front for me.

And then the issues of rape, incest, molest and prostitution (none were personally encountered, thankfully)... and now pregnancies resulting in early marriages, I wondered if I would be happier knowing just the stork bit of the story. Sex seems to have many unpleasant consequences and pain. It didn't appeal to the utilitarian me.

The same pattern seems to emerge from these learning experiences. You pick up an informative bit of knowledge, and relish merely for the fact that it is. But as soon as questions and more facts come into the picture, the real picture it seems is not as *pretty.

I thought I loved what I was studying in my faculty. (Don't get me wrong, I still do... but...) Now I wonder aimlessly. I started out thinking I was a firm supporter of democracy, then it seems that Asian states are more suited for the moderately dictator leadership. Then I was convinced that I was a liberal but union experiences proved me otherwise. In fact, when called into practice, I have been put in a position where I question my own beliefs and I have weighed that the opposite was more effective and purposeful. Questioning myself, is a very difficult and disturbing thing to do. Self contradictions leave me in self doubt of who I am.

Can't I just say that I am X and be X?

The same with men and dating. At first I thought I was lucky to have met such a diverse *pool and that when I do settle down, I would know he is the best for me. But no. It seems I have been comparing rather than appreciating the available, unique qualities. Let's put it this way: I wonder if Cinderella would really be thrilled that her Prince has been trying on her slipper on so many other feet. Shouldn't he have recognized her without the slipper or does he really have a foot fetish (and I have a *knowledge/*dating-ADD-men fetish).

Rather, I should have been true to my *love at first sight theory and stuck to my beliefs. I envy those who claim to marry their first boyfriends / girlfriends.

Too much knowledge is dangerous. We just need our instincts (and trust them).

Therefore, for the academic quandaries, I will declare that I am democratically inclined, a liberal (admittedly a little bit Marxist), a fatalist and ultimately, an idealist.

For the matters of emotion, I will love instinctively (when the opportunity arises... And not listen to Machiavellian-like opinions on men).

"They say, if you do not have sex for a year you can become re-virginised!" declared Charlotte (from SATC)

"And I would imagine, quite frisky," said Carrie

"But you can erase the whole sexual past... and start again!"

So, if I stop dating for the moment, will I have my first, first date again? I long for the days *back then, when a sight of a the guy was enough for me to declare that I want to marry him and write my name all over my notebook next to his name, and do the little alphabet-cross-out fortunte telling, and call him just to say 'hi' then hang up (*dang today's caller identification), and write secret admirer letters...

so, what do you call this feeling?

2005-03-25T21:40:00.000+08:00

what do you call this feeling?

the thought of you:

crimsons my cheeks
clouds my mind
takes pains away

"I think of you often!"

and the sight of you:

makes my knees go weak
my heart do flip flops
and my lips curl upwards

"My opportunities to be with you!"

one down, one to go

2005-03-24T12:51:00.000+08:00

one down, one more to go

But I don't mean my assignment papers. Rather, the number of wisdom teeth to be pulled out. Apparently, they're not agreeing with me as there is not enough space (although half grown) and it is starting to *rot (ewww... but I have always been so careful with my mouth hygiene! *groan).
Serves me right for my fear of dentists. I've only met one, once.

However, in by half drugged, half pain state, let me blog for the record that I made it to the dentist. She never answered my question when I asked if I was the most *difficult patient she has had yet. I guess her silence says everything.

The local anesthesia is starting to wear off and I'm tired from the one half hour agony of gripping-so-hard-on-the-dentist-chair-that-my-knuckles-turned-white condition.

*Sob. Pain.

excruciating pain

2005-03-23T12:16:00.000+08:00

excruciating pain

update: *Bright Eye managed to persuade me to the school dentist (or rather, pain motivated me) but they were full. Had to endure a bad day of aches, temporarily subsided by many, many painkillers. Appointment with the dentist is tomorrow... but I wait with apprehension. *Gosh, I'm so *drama.

It's ironic that I am doing a utilitarian essay debating pleasure and pain as motivation for human action and now forced to practice the doctrine on myself because of my toothache.

I have weighed (while practically in tears for the last hour or so) that the pain I feel is much more than the pain the doctor will inflict and have temporarily gotten over my panadol phobia and had three in the last hour.

I figured I have to thank the many episodes of Sesame Street too for the moral lessons they try to teach kids. You know, the ones where the child has a painful tooth and fears the dentist but when the child goes to the dentist he meets the nicest person ever and the pain from the toothache goes away and the child goes back with a (probably sugar free) lollipop?

And after my decision to go, lunch hour starts and the place is closed for an hour.

And because my pain killer has just *kicked in (but I'm still absolutely convinced that Panadol will do more harm than good for my body) and due to *fate that it is closed for lunch hour, I might never go to the dentist.

I feel so helpless right now (and with essay due date looming for tomorrow) the only thing I seem to be able to do is whine. =(

phobias

2005-03-23T11:32:00.000+08:00

P H O B I A S

and I have a whole bunch of weird ones. For example, I am terrified of balloons and being in a room full of them leaves me feeling jumpy and edgy. Others include a fear of medication (I actually have a certain *distrust even for panadol), putting my head under water... and non-committal, cheating men (but the last seems to be a divide between *addiction vs phobia).

Right now, I have to face another one - my fear of doctors (don't mind marrying one but please don't have one examine me). I have a very bad toothache right now (wisdom tooth related) and I don't want to go to the doctors. *Wails.

Machiavellianism of the male perspective of relationships

2005-03-23T01:13:00.000+08:00

the male perspective of relationships ala Machiavelli

Machiavelli says that morality is the political, manipulative tool to gain the control of the people. The *Prince, essentially is evil and morality is just a facade.

*You told me that romance is just a fairytale, manipulative tool for men to gain control of women. The male, essentially is only after the *possession of the female and romance is just a facade.

Machiavelli believes in the ability of force and fraud.

So does *You.

And he tells me that it is the same for all men.

oh heck, yes, it's my BIRTHDAY!

2005-03-22T01:56:00.000+08:00

oh heck, yes, it's my BIRTHDAY!

and thus this *Damsel turns twenty and three. =)

But how am I to moan and groan about turning older when there were so many wonderful friends who welcomed the once-dreaded day and made it a joy to proclaim the day mine?

I came back from a very comfortable cake & drinks session with *Gallant who gave me a coffee table-ish book on my all-time favourite SATC (talk about finding *perfect presents) and the sweetest card expressing our friendship which I now value more.

And then, a surprise party (okay, there were five of us) with more cake! I had tiramisu and black forest tonight, though both my favourite flavours but definately an overkill of sin! Oh... hehe... I'm so *loved tonight. What more can this birthday girl ask for? (*hugs and thanks *Chirpy, I know you read this). *Bright-eyed and *Bombshell was there too.

But she gets MORE (greedy *little thing). Text messages and emails (and I'm suppose to be getting telepathy greetings from abroad too). I did not take my phone out for my drink-thing and *party and spent some time answering the text messages... and soon, the emails! But joy is this tedious task!

For those who read the blog, I personally thank you *Tiff, *Shee Li, *Thinking and *Sheer (this is starting to sound like an Oscar awards ceremony...)

So many exclamation marks... cause I'm *darn happy. I've got such sweet friends!'

Come birthday night, more CAKE cause I have a session with dear *Em and dinner (and perhaps a movie) with *you.

But speaking of text messages, I recieved *poetry from *puppy:

Happy Birthday SuPs!
It's your special day today.
Hope you'll enjoy this moment in every possible way.

A year older now,
Hope it doesn't affect your mood,
if its any consolation at all
I still think you're really cute!

But see you I won't at least not today,
though a present will still be coming your way.
Promise to bring it the next time we meet,
so how about lunch...
say sometime next week?

Well *puppy, word's can't express how I am feeling right now. Perhaps an emoticon will do well to explain how I feel.

o_O

wishing wishing wishing...

2005-03-21T19:30:00.000+08:00

I wish, I wish, I wish!

Can someone tell me how to lose weight in an hour?

masquerade party pictures

2005-03-20T23:38:00.000+08:00

masquerade party pictures

And so there was a party and so there were pictures and I thought I should share (cause I had a pretty dress on). =)

That's me and *La la Femme. She's my colleague from the union and she is brutally blunt about anything and everything. Conversations are painful with her, but she's a dear and it is (in a way) nice to get the facts, as it is.

p.s. I just had a bad haircut resulting with a disgustingly short fringe. Please don't criticize! Don't even *think about criticizing!

And introducing: *Chinese Rainbow Easter Bunny (he's going to *kill me for this) next to *La la Femme. He's a dear in search of true love. If you're interested, you can drop me an email (see *CREB, I'm publicising you! *grin)

pledge of studing insanity

2005-03-20T10:46:00.000+08:00

a *Damsel's pledge of studying insanity

I hereby solemnly *swear to go into assignment and exam hypermode. Its about time I kick into that *scary gear again. Exams are a month away and I'm still working on assignments.

So, four hour sleep nights, no fun days and haggard looking face - here I come.

vicious cycle of happiness and sadness

2005-03-20T01:04:00.000+08:00

vicious cycle of happiness and sadness

I have Katie Melua's closest thing to crazy playing repeatedly on my laptop right now (yes, Val, that means I'm not working on my Kant essay when I am supposed to). The song is just hauntingly beautiful and no moment can be more perfect than now to be dancing in the arms of someone special.

Today was a nice day, with my parents coming down to visit (surprise! *Mother Damsel dropped by too). They were all hugs and with (useful) gifts of food, herbs and toiletries! For my *ah hah! - day, she has promised me a year's supply of my Eve Tailor Face Oil No. 1 (recommended for stress prone faces, endorsed by the *Damsel Blog).

Speaking of presents, I have just been offered my *present number three! *Sheer dear has sent me an email with two pictures and I am told to 'pick one'. Gosh, aren't I the lucky one not only to be getting presents but now being spoilt for choice! Hmmn... so, handbag or blouse? I still can't decide cause they're so pretty!

I have also just taken my extra long shower with the extra huge bottle of Johnson's Baby Bath. But the thing is, its the blue one (the ORIGINAL) and I have not had this since I was a little girl. Today's shower brought back so many memories of youth in my bath tub trying to make bubbles with my then favourite bath time product.

And instead of eating out, *Mother Damsel decided to cook, as I have missed and yearned so much for her cooking.

And while she was cooking (and ushering the *extra cook out of the kitchen) *Father Damsel and I headed out to bank in some cash (to fund my shopping trips perhaps? *grin).

Our time alone, he started to ask me about my possible career in the very near future and I told him about my political related aspirations (journalism or the civil service, but the latter definitely not in Singapore).

My guess is that he knew my choices but was *commissioned by *Mother Damsel to try to talk me into alternatives. Her alternatives were: banking, teaching/lecturing or *wife. *Father Damsel didn't mention the last one of course but I knew that was on her plate. Basically, it was hoped that I had a low risk, high pay job (see, a well pampered housewife fits that description) that would involve me in potential circles of finding the best future candidate. A journalist, or a politician's assistant was not on the *Mother Damsel approved list.

So I asked about my *happiness. And with that, dearest *Father Damsel easily gave in. With a little more *sweet talking, I've gotten his consent should I want to be a journalist or a *whatever.

Furthermore (and might I add that this was the highlight of my day) *Father Damsel added that he felt proud when he saw my name in the newspapers and pays extra attention to my articles.

So today was *happiness. But as the Dharma philosophy preaches, happiness is only fleeting and it is suffering that is constant. The height and temporary joy is now filled with an extreme void (of I don't know what... but it is missing *sniff) as my parents only stayed for half a day.

So Katie was right when she sang: how can happiness feel so wrong, how can misery feel so sweet? as I would never have passed up a visit from them even though I feel very sad after.

But if conditions are really in a cycle, then the *happy re-runs will come.

theatre of the oppressed

2005-03-18T13:50:00.000+08:00

theatre for the oppressed (and depressed)

And by the oppressed soul, I perhaps mean me.

Today I met people who organize forum theatres from NUS. Forum theatres are participatory based plays that *forces the audience to directly inject themselves into the scenes. I think it is wonderful really to have the writer's ideals to not only unfold in front of an audience, but taking the audience in and having them share the storyline and the tragedies or comedy within. After all, nothing speaks more than experience itself.

And what these NUS Forum Theatre students have intended was even better. They had a social agenda of raising awareness for AIDS at villages in Batam, Thailand. There, they had problems of widespread AIDS epidemic and I look at them with awe at their efforts and kindness.

As I listened to them, I was instantly reminded of how much fun I had on stage three years back in my first stage acting debut. I shrugged free all social inhibitions (but only at the performance day itself, so it was an amazing feeling) as I took on the role of a lovelorn daughter of a strict father in want of paternal validation for her lover (*grin. I didn't pick the script).

It was my catharsis. Complete with adrenaline rush, but sadly also with the realization that it could be a one time thing. I am in essence a person who practices self boundaries.

Today, these people present the possibility of a second brush at acting. And their project appeals to me even more as they take on such a worthy social cause that I would be only thrilled to be a part of.

*Kindheart (think Braveheart Lion from the cartoon Care Bears, cause he reminded me of the character), the organizer of the project had his heart set on an even large picture which was for the HIV prevention of Thailand's sexual migration problem.

Apparently in Northern Thailand especially, the young Thai girls prostitute themselves in the city to bring home money. This was not wrong to them, but in fact, an obligation as they misconstrued the Buddhist belief of sacrifice and suffering for the benefit of their family's welfare.

A certain *Damsel was very tempted to fulfill her *eep-day list of things to do, #2 with this kindly, admirable stranger. *grin.

Back to the *focus of this blog entry, I might want to find out more about the NUS forum theatre group and go for this instead of my internship.

oriental damsel in constant distress

ungodly hours

Hi, I read you!

when love and politics mix

lunch?

I'm a kitten

no excuses

dinner party

of (academic) things to come

selective cheapskateism

a birthday party and a dinner

posts within a post

lowest low and highest high

for *Gallant

quickies

if you don't know me by now

if only

no news, good news?

Poseidon and I are sick!

I'm feeling a little b*tchy lately

an inauguration

looking at the bigger picture

continuing saga of the boyfriend-who-forgot-the-anniversary

bedtimes

great expectations

"It's puppy love"

all in smiles - he's coming back

Barbra, back home, and work

how much sleep???!!!

told-ja I was a utilitarian

Pretty Pink Roses!

the *little things that make you go ahhh...

poster girl

taking a bullet

the capitalist and the consumer

allow me to whine

stopping and breathing

a weird conversation I had just this morning...

sorry

some misfortunes

karma says: life is constant suffering

put on weight???!!!

quickies

"feeling this good doesn't happen often"

The One Dimensional Man & Society

life remains a constant, with some exceptions

blogger's block

wretchedly romantical

said the *gallant knight to the *damsel, would you be mine? Quoth the *damsel to her *gallant knight, yes.

Hopelessly stupid. Grotesquely fat. Have irreversible eyebags.

stupid. fat. have new pimple.

a deliberate break

Machiavellian problems of the internal? Call 1800-moral-relativism

"we were falling in love"

the blur and blurer *damsel

Delia

counting backwards, from 10

days till my last paper

Project: Living it Up in Singapore

if I were not who I am

a quickie, happy post update

sago *perfection!

5 minute meditation on 'heaven and hell'

temporarily, I became Narcissus

this bittersweet life

more blog games

a taste of the cumulative-average-point reality

cookie monster on a diet!

more blog games

*Sheer's literary Games

every bone aches!

excuse me, are you North Indian?

the accusation

filling in for Miss Know-It-All

renewal of vows

hear ye, hear ye

it happened just yesterday

in six hours

a book for leisure

*worship at Temple Haach

said the gallant knight to the damsel, would you be mine? Quoth the damsel to her gallant knight, yes.